I'll Be The Anchor - Michael Clifford

There Will Be Another Moment

Michael hadn't slept much. He'd tossed and turned constantly. I rarely slept any either. We'd wake up together, he'd grab my hand and pull me in tight, we'd fall back asleep... Then it all happened again. It was a vicious cycle. I knew we were both fretting about the last day. 

The. Last. Day.

I didn't want to think about it. 

I really didn't want to deal with the thought of losing the happiness that I currently felt in my heart. The complete security. After having everyone leave me in the past few years, I could help but feel Michael's absence coming on. 

When the sun was up, I checked my phone to see it was nearly 10. Michael and I turned on the bunk television and just laid together. Not speaking, not moving, nothing. Just sitting next to one another, breathing together, concentrating on the stupid morning sitcom. Neither of us were quite ready to face reality. 

"Good morning." He finally whispered after about twenty minutes, and pressed a kiss lightly to my temple.

"Good morning." I smiled, looking up and into his nose from the position where my head had been nestled in the crook of his neck.

"You good?" He asked, his eyes dazzling me. They were shining and completely stunning in the low lighting.

"I'm fine. I'm happy here." I said, scooting even closer to him.

"You'll watch the show tonight?" He asked.

"Yes, I will. I'll be in the front row. Right where you can see me." I said, smiling at him.

"Good, right where I want you."

We stayed like that. Resting with one another, senseless banter and jokes the entire time. Until it was noon and everyone insisted on going for lunch. Our last group lunch as Calum had to point out. 

With everyone dressed and ready I called in a car to pick us up from the bus. We piled in and had a somewhat uneventful drive to a nearby iburger for a proper American send off. 

"Lennon, you punk, you should be coming with us." Luke said as we sipped on Cokes waiting for our food.

"I know Luke, I know, I really wish I was too... I just have to finish up school, if I take time off it's going to delay me quite a bit..." I explained.

"You can't just manage bands for the rest of your life?" Ashton asked, making a strange expression.

"Not really, it's a internship, this isn't a permanent job for me. Once I'm done with schooling I think they'll put me in an office and give me a raise if I do well." I said.

"That sounds like so much fun..." Calum rolled his eyes.

"I know, meanwhile you guys are gonna be jetting around the world making tons of girls happy." I tried to smile for them. I didn't want them to know how much all of this actually tore me apart.

Every single part of leaving this tour hurt. Leaving them was the hardest. Leaving Michael. Then there was the fact that this could be that last tour I ever do. It really would be up in the air as to if I'd be hired back onto another tour. Expecially considering the fact that I've dated clients, and that should be a huge no no.

I tried to push it from my mind but I'm pretty sure everyone noticed that I was quite withdrawn from the conversation. Luke and Calum tried their hardest to bring comic relief to the table, flirting shamelessly with one another, making sculptures with various things on the table... Ashton and Michael continued trying to make banter.

I just felt so horrible.

"We're gonna be on our own tour before the year ends, right?" Ashton asked Michael.