We're Not Broken (HETALIA)

Fear is Not a Weakness

The daily cycle of the academy life fell back into place immediately. Well except for one thing.

When we got back to the academy Gupta was helping Heracles get all this cats to his dorm. I dropped my bags off and went to take my pills before I started unpacking. I spotted a piece of paper on my nightstand and I was going to throw it away when I saw that it was a note.

Dear our lovely Chastity,

We miss you dearly. Ethan misses you especially. Who's your roommate? I hope they're nice and no one is bothering you. Louis wants to know what your favorite class is. Lovebug, I really miss you. Flunking is not an option though, we don't want you kicked out. I hope you have a lot of friends there at the academy! No shortcuts but don't be too down about anything, remember to take your anti-depressants. Don't fear and we'll see you soon.

Love,

Mommy.

Okay, the first thing I noticed about this note was the use of the name Chastity which immediately set me on edge. That indicated who was the one writing quickly. Second thing was that I didn't know anyone named Ethan or Louis. Third, I was always called freak and disgrace by the writer, never lovebug. Lastly, the wording was very off. The "we'll see you soon" thing was frightening on its own.

Looking closer it was obvious what was going on. Look at the beginning of each sentence. W. E. W. I. L. L. F. I. N. D. I'm assuming that she had given up but the message was clear, causing me to lean on the edge of calmness.

I crumpled up the note and disposed of it. I never wanted to look at her handwriting again. Although I didn't want them, memories of the past five years came flooding into my head. I tried to shake them off and laid down for a nap.

There was no way I could stop them now. Flashes of school and friends coming and going. High school and the end of middle school. Field trips, assignments, speeches. Those were the good memories though. As my dream progressed I started seeing blood, bruises and- Oh god no. Just no. I didn't want to remember that. Oh please for the love of god no. I couldn't feel any pain but just watching images of beer bottles smashing and fists swinging made my body ache and convulse.

I woke up, screaming and crying. I frantically looked around the room. Okay, slow, down. I manages to steady my breathing as I searched the beige painted room for something. Gupta was still out. I was alone. Crap. I need to get out.

I swung my legs out of bed and pushed my aching body up. Fuck, why did I hurt so much? What did I even do? I found myself roaming the halls of International Academy, observing the other students that roamed and talked to their friends. Alfred and Kiku passed with a smile and a hello which I returned with a sure face. Gilbert and Ludwig also passed, neither seeing me as Gilbert was laughing with closed eyes and messing up Ludwig's hair as I turned the corner.

Whilst walking I found a cute display. Wait, what day was it again? Oh yeah, February 2nd. I saw the paintings from art class on display. Only a few of them though. My own painting was displayed nicely next to Feliciano's. Unease filled my sense more than it already was.

What really sent me over the edge of sanity was the investigation I had to run into. In front of the dorm rooms, a gallery of police officers crowded. They had definitely not been  there when I left. It was easy to guess what this all was about.

My legs moved on their own, running up the stairs to my dorm room and right into the bathroom to break down. My chest rose and fell rapidly, trying to keep a steady pace but failing horribly. A quick knock came at the door, urgent.

"Connor?" Gupta called from the other side. "Are you in there? Connor, are you okay?"

I stopped crying and choked up a strong voice. "I'm fine, just a sad part in my book." Crap, why did my voice have to be so high. God dammit I swear. Gupta didn't comment anymore than that and I heard the door open and close.

My lungs started acting up again. Fuck. Crap. I could barely breath.

Numb. There it was the numbness with its warm embrace, welcoming me back into steady breath and distance from current events.

I was calm, finally calm. As I exited the bathroom the door opened again. Kristie and Gupta stood in the doorway. Kristie walked in but Gupta walked away, probably to Sadiq and Heracles' dorm again. Anubis followed him. I smiled at Kristie with a calm expression. That didn't comfort her but made her a little more worried.

"Are you okay?" She asked simply, wringing her hands out. I let out a confused look.

"Yeah, why?" I questioned back.

She knew she had lost and sighed. "No reason. Sit with me at lunch though!"

"Will do!" She lefted without another word, closing the door behind her. My happy looked went back to neutral. Though it was only ten past four, I curled up in bed and didn't come out til morning. I didn't even sleep I just read my digital book all night, not bothering with a sleep schedule. It didn't matter as long as I had something to do. As long as I didn't have to see those images.

As long as I was numb enough to not care anymore.

_____________________________

Word Count: 936

Doctor's Note - Okay, shortest chapter ever! I'm on a roll though! I needed this in quick as hell before I loose steam! Promise next chapter will be longer. The next chapter will be also been a little darker but things will also be better! Trust me, I know what I'm doing. I'm a doctor. Don't question me. Okay, Tumblr time for me. Masiyahan!

Notes - I forgot to post this last night fml