Why me!

I need help.

As i run down the street.. I stop.. Listening too my baby MY baby! cry.. Haven't even hold it for a day.. I start to scratch & twitch.. I decide if I wanted to go to Rodger house.. Or back home.. Or the crackhouse. If my mom saw me like this, she would definitely kill me, and wouldn't claim me..

I looked down at myself.. My clothes were dirty. I stinked, my hair was fading, and shedding. My face had bruises and pimples everywhere.. I looked, I mean I didn't look like Payton.. I started to cry. I lift my shirt up to look at whats suppose to be my stomach.. All i see is ribs.., but hey, i'm finally skinny.

I walk up the street, to Rodger's apartment.. But he has company.. Darren, and he runs his mouth too much. And he doesn't know what to say out his mouth.. As i walk down the street, Rodger calls my name.. But i keep walking like i don't hear him.. I hear Darren say she not no crackhead.. Thats a crackhead, that bitch look nasty.. I sob.. Then wipe my tears. I kept walking..

As i was walking past the candy shop.. I see Bryan and Ryan.. Their so cute with eachother. She's in front of him, and he has his hands around her waist, as they walk. Ryan was showing him something on her phone and he had his chin on her neck, as they walked. I put a hoodie on my head, and keep walking... As i past the alley, I see Avery. He's fucking a girl in the alley.. My face drops. I get angry. The girl was moaning loud and everything. All look, the crackhead is horny.. He says. She giggles. What ever happened to your boo? She asked

He was focused on fucking.. Umm idk she said she was pregnant. And yeah.. He said. They continued to fuck.. I stood there.

Did you tell her the part when you had Chlamydia? I yell.. Payton is that you? He asks.. Ewww what happened to her? The girl asks.. Whats gonna happen to you? If you don't get checked. I say..

She throws her clothes on, and runs.

Avery doesn't look too happy.. Why are you around here? He asks.. Ohh your seed is in the trashcan.. I say, then i walk away.. He comes after me., what do you mean? He asks.. I dont say a word.. He grabs my arm, and stop me.. What do you mean? He says huffing and puffing. Your baby! Is in the fucking trash!! I yell!! He stops, and look at the ground.. Why would you do that? He asks.. You could've had an abortion, or put him up for adoption.. He yells.. Like somebody would really want him!! I scream.. I walk away.. I would, Avery says quietly. Yeah right i yell..

I walk past my mom house.. I peep in the window. Somebody her neighbor i guess was getting out the car to go in their house was telling me to get away from their window or they would tell my mom.. I said okay go ahead.. I guess thats what they did, and my mom came out with a bat.

What are you doing in my window, you freak! She screams.. Your the freak and bitch for leaving your daughter out in the streets. I yell.. She puts the bat down, and looks at me. She walks closer to me... Baby, is that you? She asks.. Yes ma, its me. Please tell Chloe, don't follow my footsteps.. Take care of her ma.. Be there for her.. Give her all your attention.. Cause this might be your last night seeing me.. I say.. She starts too cry.. Oh baby i didnt want to see you like this. She says.. She strokes my cheeks to my chin.. I back away.. Goodbye mom. Idk if i love you.. I start to walk away.. She cries even more.. She comes after me, she grabs my arm.. Where's the baby? She ask.. I threw him away.. Him? She asks.. Yes. Carlos Lee Hamilton. I say.. Why not our last name? Hernandez? She says.. That baby you didnt care about? or me? and you want him to have the same last name as you? I say.. I start to walk again... Wait, we can get you help baby.. She says.. , i'm not your baby and never will be.. I walk away. I think its my time. I look up at the sky.. Lily breaks down.. She falls to her knees.. I walk away. I never looked back.

As i get back to the crackhouse. I see they got new drugs, like meth and other stuff. I try meth.. And for a couple hours, i thought i had bugs in my skin.. I ripped a tooth out and everything. I pulled hair out. I just destroyed my body.. I was so dirty, my fingers was dirty, and nails.. I could scratch deep into my skin if i wanted to..

I went to sleep early tonight..

| Hey baby, kisses me. Hi Rodger, how was work.. I ask.. It was great, guess what? He asks.. What? You got the promotion? I ask.

He looks at me.. Yes! Yes! I did!! He yells. I stop doing the dishes and run to him, and jump up on him. He spins me, well us around.. We need to celebrate! He says.. Not with the kids in here.. I say. They wont know. He says..

He puts me down, and walks me into the bedroom..

He pulls his pants down, and sits on the bed.

He pulls me down, so that i'm on my knee's.. I'm in between his legs, and he takes my bra off. He pulls his boxers down, and he moves my hair out the way, from in front of my face. He moves my head down, with his hand. And i lick his tip. His head goes back, and i see its from pleasure. He puts both of his hands on my head, and he makes me suck his dick. I try to go slowly, but he moves my head up and down, fastly.. He stops when his dick is all the way in my mouth, and im deep throating. He holds my Head like that until i gag.. He pushes my head up and down, up and down.. Then he stops and let me do it on my own.. I gasp for air, then spit on his dick.. He plays with my boobs. He squeezes my nipples. As i lick the side of his dick, and about to suck again,, i hear a voice.. Say "mommy what are you doing". |

~I wake up from my dream..

Was that a dream or nightmare? I ask myself..

I must really like Rodger, he must like me too. He offered to help me.. I'll go over there tonight, i say too myself.