Why me!

What is life?

+ Payton's P.O.V +

Its been an week..

I've been addicted already.. . I should go to the graduation thing today.

I walk out the crackhouse, too the school. I see everyone, dressed up and im just dead..

I see Ryan. And she has an orange dress. Under her gown.. Its an light, orange.. Its very pretty. It matches the school gown. Her hair is flowing curly.. She got her hair done i see! I look at my hair, and its just falling apart. Her makeup is nice too..

I go up too her. And she hugs me! Someone tells me to leave, i'm not allowed here. Ryan try's too get me but they hold her back.. I'm Payton i scream, are you sure? The principal asks? Yes, well i think soo. I say.. Get the hell outta here, he says. They kick me out.. I just listen to everything out of the school. I just stare at the ground like why me. Why god! Why.

I look at my stomach. I hate you! I scream.. People stare at me.

I pick up rocks and throw them at my stomach.

I walk back to the crackhouse, i get twitchy. Start to knock stuff down and shake.. I get to the house, and i fall right in front of the door. The crackheads drag me into the house.

They give me some herion, and i wake up. I feel refreshed.

I get up and take more. And more.. I fall out.

I wake up in the middle of the night, and my stomach hurts. It aches. I wonder if the baby is dying.. Idc.

-------------

Couple months later.

A man wakes me up and says my coochie taste like salty water.

I say watchu mean? And i look down, and my water broke. I push the man out the way.. And run out the house. I catch a cab to the hospital... I couldn't pay so the man kept calling my name.. But i couldn't pay him.. He drives off angrily.

I get into a delivery room. And they numb me.. They ask me what i want to do.. Natural or sea section.. I just black out.. It was time for me to push, but i wouldn't wake up.. I saw light, I saw Jesus. He let my spirit walk on the earth.. I saw the doctors doing CPR.. I was dying.. I didn't want too.. I zapped back into my body.. I woke up.. To pain! They were opening my legs, telling me to push quickly.. I saw alot of blood, for no reason! They saw the baby feet first, but then the baby moved and they saw his head.. I kept pushing and pushing.. But nothing was happening.. My pussy felt like it was getting stretched by a shark. I wanted to die. I blacked out again.. And again.. They shook me and told me to stay with us. They looked at me and was like what have you been doing, I pushed a couple more times, and i saw the baby.. They wiped the baby. And covered it with covers. They washed him off. It was an boy.. They went somewhere with it.. No noo iwant to see my baby! I scream. An doctor comes back in, and tells me the baby is an premature, and it cant take care of its self. He needs medicine. you cant handle this baby if you cant handle yourself.. you can say this baby is an crackbaby.. it might even die from all the birth effects. I cry.. It has to be taken care of. We have to keep him just for a week. He adds on

~ 1week later

They give me the baby. So what do you want to name him? Carlos, Carlos lee Hamilton. I say..

I hold him and stare him in his eyes.. He was soo injured. His skin was rough, he had an lazy eye.. His hair was patched up, he had breathing problems basically asthma. He looks special.. They ask me if i want to give him for adoption. I say noo.

After a couple hours. We leave the hospital.. We head back to the crackhouse. I lay the baby on the floor.. And do some lines.. My nose is stinging. I wipe my nose.. The baby starts to cry, so the crackheads start to yell and groan. I inject the baby with some green stuff. And it falls asleep.. I think it did.. But i continue to do drugs.. And i remember i have to take my medicine but i couldn't find it.. Oh well.

Later that night.. The baby starts to cry again.. I put an long hoodie on, and carry the baby outside.. We start to walk, and i see how much he looks like avery.. I would never want him to be like his dad. I walk into his dad hood.. And there's an alley.. The baby stares at me with his big bright eyes.. I lay him in the trash, and he starts to cry.. Some old lady comes out the window and says hey get that baby out of there.. She cuts her light on and walks down stairs.. I look at Carlos one more time, and kiss him on his forehead.. I love you baby this is whats best for you.. Remember my voice forever ok baby! I kiss him again.. And then run..

Hey come back, the lady says.. I keep running.. I look back from a distance and see she has Carlos.. Take good care of him, i yell.