I don't know what happened but I'm officially obsessed with Kylo Ren and I can't stop it).
He was there one moment and then he wasn't. His eyes were focused one moment and the next I could see a film fall over them. He was utterly careless one moment and the next he was shaking in divine rage. He was whispering in my ear one moment and the next he was pinning me against the wall hissing in passion. He wasn't utterly gone and I knew that. But he could fall faster than I could process what was happening. The ice he treaded was thin and grew thinner by the day but sometimes I swore he was walking on water.
His movements were so graceful and precise. He was the embodiment of grace and power. He was flawless in his actions. His power with the Force flowed smoothly with an unstable balance of regret and fury. He walked as one with the surface of water, no longer able to sink and drown. Even if he wanted to.
Just like the cracked red kyber crystal in the power core of his lightsaber, Ben Solo could explode at any given moment. It was both his gift and downfall to be able to channel such emotion, like a true Sith. Yet, he brought himself together again, like a true Jedi.
Now, I looked at him, sitting on the floor deep in thought. His face was hidden from me so I couldn't see if his eyes were on me or if he was looking straight ahead. Hopefully, he wasn't meditating. He was quiet in the Force so the latter was probably true but being one with the Force was a peaceful process.
Instead of speaking, I crossed the length of the room to his corner. My boots left small thuds resonating in the almost bare room when I approached him slowly. He never moved or acknowledged me as I settled in an identical position with my legs crossed in front of him. My own lightsaber gave a tiny metallic clang as it hit the floor. I shifted my weight to settle it and looked straight at him. Even at this level my eyes were not level with where his would be. He was too tall to allow that.
We sat together in silence for a moment before I broke the silence in the softest voice I could manage, "Kylo."
His name was a simple statement on my lips. There was no question for him to answer or curiosity about his well being in my voice. However, when he didn't respond, I spoke to him in the opposite tone, now feeling worry ruin my stomach with knots, "Ben?"
The smallest exhale could be heard through his mask. His chest gave the tiniest movement as it was relieved of this stress filled breath. More concerned now, I felt my eyebrows come together in one line and let my head tilt sideways slightly. "Why? Why do they insist on holding their ground against me?"
I had seen Ben Solo at his best and at his worst. His best was nothing short of quiet kindness while his worst was nothing short of loud anger or quiet sorrow. At this moments, I felt as if quiet sorrow was worst. I wanted to talk to him but I was afraid of breaking his heart and if that happened, mine would also break.
I swallowed past a lump. Even through his mask I could hear the disdain and sadness in his voice. I heard the frown on his lips and the deep thought he was putting into this. Unfortunately, I was not going to be able to provide him with a straight forward answer so I had to think carefully on my response. "They don't just fight against you, Ben. It's everything around us, the First Order, everything that you've helped rise from the ashes. It's what you've pushed to continue once more." Knowing there was still more to answer, I took a breath and reached forward so my hand gently grazed his knee. "But they, your mother included, hold their ground against you because we oppose them and everything the resistance stands for. They were born to fight." Gently, I added, "And your mother believes you are not lost. She's fighting for her son."
His left hand moved to intercept mine and the back of his clothed hand touched mine. "She never treated me like her son. Her son is lost to her and his father."
There was a venom in his voice... Or was that pain? I lifted my hands slowly. He never moved, however, his hand was pressing against my knee offering solace to us both. I took the soft cloth of his hood between my thumb and forefinger on both hands and pushed it back to reveal his whole mask. Gingerly, my fingers hooked under it and began removing it. The brown eyes that greeted me underneath were open and watching me intently with a depth in the darkness of his pupils that went unmatched. I lowered his mask to the floor by me and lifted my right hand again. My finger tips traced down the curve of his jaw from his cheekbone, feeling the hard curl of his bone and the smoothness of his face. Ben leaned into my touch and his right hand lifted to wrap around my wrist so he could silently tell me to keep my hand resting on his cheek. I smiled sweetly to him and questioned rhetorically, "But is the man lost?"
His eyes closed. I felt the warmth of his breath on the inside of my palm when he exhaled. His hand remained wrapped around my wrist as he turned his neck so his lips pressed onto the middle of my palm. They were strangely warm against my generally cool skin and left the pulse in my wrist beating wildly from the heavenly touch of his lips. He smiled, genuinely. The warmth in my heart grew to my cheeks as he spoke in the sweetest voice, one that I hadn't heard in a long while now. His lips tickled my palm as they moved with his words. "You've always brought him back if his mind didn't."
A smile swept across my own face and lighted my eyes with his words. This was the Ben Solo I had fallen so desperately in love with while we were training. This was the man I knew could come back from falling so hard into the dark. It was the man I always evoked from the long dark haired Sith in front of me, if it wasn't the passionate animal, anyway. And to be honest, that was always nice too but that was Kylo Ren. That was the man I was trying so hard to save. I fell more in love with the man in front of me with each passing day. That was something I never wanted to stop.
Ben's dark eyes opened. What I saw there was a rare sight nowadays. They had turned velvety with an emotion so strong it swept all thought from my mind. The love found in his dark depths went unparalleled by any other look I had seen a man give a woman. His emotions were strong and that was something I would never get over.
Upon seeing our eyes lock for several seconds, Ben whispered, "I love you. I love you for everything that you are and do." His lips pressed once more into my palm for a second kiss that formed butterflies in my stomach. "You mean so much to me."
Every word dripped with his love and sincerity. Each word was an admittance to his weakness for me. Every single word made my heart flutter. His hand left my wrist to cup my own cheek. His thumb stroke an arc of warmth over my cheekbone. It was my turn to lean into his touch and savor the feeling that passed like a fire over my skin. "I love you too. I always will." His hand gingerly swept his touch to my neck so his fingers dug softly into the edge of my hairline and left a chill shivering down my back. "You mean everything to me. You are my love, Ben."
His hand curled around my neck and in one motion he got on both of his knees, towered over me even more, leaned forward, curled my neck so my eyes were looking up at him, and caressed my lips with his own while his other hand held the middle of my back and kind of curled me into him but he hovered just inches over my body. My eyes closed automatically with his and my one hand tangled into his hair while my spare one went to my side for support so I wouldn't fall back. Like a stone being turned smoother, than any man made one, for centuries by a slowly moving stream, his lips enchanted mine in a kiss I wouldn't want to see the end of.
