Dreamless in Early Graves (Vic Fuentes / Kellic) ✔️

Chapter 11: The Confession

I kinda bawled my eyes out when I wrote this chapter. it came a little too close to home. it won't be all sadness from here, though. I promise.

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When I woke up the next morning, Vic in bed by my side, the memories of last night flashed right before my eyes. We hadn't done anything more than kiss and cuddle, but. . . oh god, he said he loved me.

I didn't remember how I reacted to it at the time, but seeing as Vic was still here, apparently it wasn't bad. Well, not for him, anyways. I was beyond shocked, though. So shocked in fact, that I hardly noticed the pounding in my head.

For a moment, I didn't know what to do. But Vic was still asleep, and he looked so peaceful, so for now, I just let him. I got out of bed and threw on one of my robes before I headed downstairs.

I found that, in my drunken state, I had still managed to put his clothes in the washing machine, which was now done. So I switched them over into the dryer and went to the kitchen.

God, I love you. . . His words echoed in my mind, repeating over and over, slowly driving me crazy.

I opened the kitchen cabinet that held my bottles of medication and took my morning dose of painkillers, prednisone and the rest of the chemical poison, with some of my usual grapefruit juice. I drank the entire glass within seconds and sighed deeply.

Why did he have to go and say that?

I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. My mornings were getting more difficult as the days went on, the cancer cells spreading faster than before. Lord only knows how long I still had.

Part of me didn't really want to know.

I was then suddenly jolted out of my train of thought as I felt two hands on my hips. Obviously they were Vic's. And I froze.

"Morning." He whispered, leaving a kiss on my temple as he then wrapped his arms further around my waist.

I sighed again. "Vic, stop." I said calmly.

And he did stop, but he didn't remove his arms. "What? Why?" He questioned with a clear confused tone to his voice.

"Take it back. Take back what you said to me." I ordered. "You can't just say things like that, not to me. You can't love me, I won't let you." I then rambled on, hating the fact that I could feel myself starting to choke up.

I wrung myself out of his hold, not waiting for his response as I quickly left the kitchen. "Ana, wait!" Vic then called out, following me all the way down to wherever I was going. Oh right, the garden.

I didn't even really have a plan; I just had to go somewhere else for a moment. But then again, it was useless, because Vic was already following me anyway.

"What do you mean, you won't let me?" He wanted to know.

And just as I stepped outside, he grabbed my arm and stopped me. I could practically feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I fought them back with everything that I had. This wasn't supposed to be happening.

"It's only been a few weeks, Vic. You can't do this. You can't be feeling this way. You can't love me." I argued quickly. Although that wasn't the real reason and although I knew in my heart that I actually felt the same way about him. . . he just couldn't. I didn't want him to.

"But I do, Ana. I've been with you every day and. . . at first I just thought that I felt this way because I felt sad for you, but that's not it. I really love you."

A shaky breath escaped my throat. "Well. . . stop loving me right now." I said, in barely a whisper.

Vic chuckled sarcastically. "I can't just turn that off." He then said, making a valid point. "Why should I, anyway? You're an amazing person, Ana. You don't even realize it."

"That's not it, Vic!" I suddenly yelled, tugging my arm out of his grip as I then finally turned to face him. "I need you to turn it off because if you love me, you're only going to end up hurt. Don't you get that?" I snapped at him, frustrated beyond belief at that point.

"Why would I end up hurt?" He wondered as his brows knitted together in confusion. And I almost wanted to hit myself in the head because of his naïve behavior.

"Because I'm dying, Vic!" I exclaimed, the tears finally starting to fall as it became just a little too real for me. "I'm going to be dead in a few weeks, who knows, maybe in a few days! And after I'm dead, the fact that I love you too won't even matter because you'll still be alive. . . you'll be alive and brokenhearted. And I won't have that."

Vic frowned, sympathy lacing his now sad eyes as he reached a hand up to my face and wiped his thumb along my tear-stained cheek. "You love me, too?" He simply asked.

"Are you even listening to me?!"

I was so desperate for him to understand, but of course I should have known that all he would respond to was the confession I'd unconsciously made through my rant.

An embarrassing sob erupted from my throat as tears continued to fall.

I hated this. I hated feeling so vulnerable. I hadn't loved anyone in years. . . no one had loved me in years. . . and now that I was dying, it just had to happen. I had already long accepted that I was going to die. But now. . . now I wished it wasn't the case, only so that I wouldn't leave poor, stupid Vic behind with a fucking broken heart.

Damn it, why did he have to fall in love with me?

"I'll be fine, Ana, really. Just- just let me love you." Vic then whispered, almost pleadingly, before he crashed his lips to mine.

I sighed internally, not being able to hold myself from returning the kiss. He gently cupped my face into his hands and moved his lips slowly while he rubbed away the tears, which just kept falling.

I felt so guilty about this. And no matter how many times Vic would tell me that he'd be fine, I knew he wouldn't be. Believe it or not, both my parents died at the cause of cancer, too. And after my mother passed, my father was so brokenhearted that his health went spiraling downhill so quickly. Within days, he was dead, too.

Not saying that Vic was going to die, but I knew first hand how he'd feel after I did blow out my last jagged breath. And I hated the idea.

I clutched my tired hands around the fabric of the robe that Vic was wearing as I kissed him back, rather desperately.

"I think I need some time alone, Vic. I'm sorry. Please go home." I whispered sadly as I slowly pulled away.

He nodded slowly. "Alright. Just please call me if something is up, okay?"

"Yeah, sure."

He tried to smile, but I could see in his eyes that he didn't really want to leave. I didn't really want him to either, but I just needed a moment to think. He softly pressed his lips to my forehead and whispered a last "I love you." Before he then left.