Seven Letter Words #Wattys2016

Part 32

Juliet

For a brief second all of my broken pieces had been put back together. I had no idea it could be anything like that. I'd felt sexy and bold, secure in something that usually made me feel meek and ashamed. His heavy weight was still on top of me as we both caught our breath. I was dreading the moment when he looked up at me. We'd gone too far, too fast. I had never had sex that wasn't attached to feelings of love and promises of commitment.

I had no idea what the next move was. Do I just say, "Thank you," put on my clothes and move on with my life like that wasn't just the best sex I'd ever had? Like I'd only felt our connection on my skin and not in my heart? Now that my brain was actually beginning to have rational thoughts, I was worried I'd completely make the wrong move and end up feeling ridiculous. He wasn't saying anything either and that wasn't helping my anxiety over the whole situation.

"We should probably talk about this." His voice was raspy as he propped himself up on his elbows and looked down on my face. I closed my eyes and shook my head. I wasn't ready. I wasn't sure what any of it meant and I didn't want him to feel like he had to be different because we'd completely got lost in the moment. His eyes were still on mine when I opened them again.

"Yes, Juliet, we should." He almost looked hurt, but then his expression changed and he moved off of me as he got up to go into the bathroom. I sat in the room feeling my heart pounding in my chest. I was being selfish. I wanted that physical connection even though I knew we'd be playing with fire. I never asked for what I wanted and I wasn't sure I could ask him to push aside any thoughts about how bad it could work out and just help me forget everything for a while. I wanted him to show me what it was like to get out of my head. I wanted to use him to help me escape.

He came out of the bathroom in a pair of basketball shorts. We smiled when I passed him carrying my change of clothes. I felt his eyes on me as I stepped inside the misty room and shut the door. I was waiting to feel dirty or to regret what we'd done, but those never came. I just felt relaxed. I took my time washing up, and even braided my hair before I opened the door. Liam was laying on the bed, his hands behind his head as he watched another crime show on TV. When he heard me move past him, his eyes left the screen and seemed to follow me around as I tucked away my dirty clothes.

"Come here," he said, patting the space beside him on the bed. My heart beat wildly as I crawled my way up beside him. He playfully tugged on my braid as we turned on our sides to face each other, both propped up on an elbow. "We have to talk about it or it's going to eat me alive. Don't be embarrassed."

I felt my cheeks heat, but smiled and agreed, "OK."

"That's was the best I've ever had. No contest. I'm sure you think I say that to everyone, but I don't. I'm just hoping I didn't make a mistake by not insisting we go slower or work our way up to that instead of just taking from each other like we did."

I was already shaking my head. "It was perfect." My words made him smile. He gave my braid another tug and moved in a little closer. His eyes moved down to my lips and I slid my tongue across them as he watched.

"Where do we go from here? What are you thinking?" he asked. I moved my hand up to run a finger along his strong jaw. He had shaved again and it was smooth beneath my touch.

"What are my options?" I asked only half teasing.

His lips curled up and his eyebrow lifted. "I guess that depends on exactly what you're asking?" He used my braid over my shoulder to pull me closer to him. "If you are talking about our relationship then I'd say we have two options. Friends only, or friends with benefits." I felt my face grow a little hotter. His lips were just inches from mine now and the way his eyes moved from my mouth to my eyes like he couldn't decide which he liked looking at more was making me feel heated again. I bit my bottom lip as I waited from him to continue. "If you're talking about what I want to do with you, that list of options is a lot longer."

"Make me forget," I said assuredly. "No feelings, no promises. Just a guy and a girl getting lost for a while." I could tuck my feelings away to keep things clean. I didn't want him thinking I was too young or inexperienced to have fun without falling in love. Maybe I was only feeling like I was falling for him because he was putting my pieces back together. We hadn't known each other long enough to call it anything else. I thought I was falling for him, but I was probably just falling for the moments in time when my grief wasn't suffocating. 

"No lies. No insecurities. If I'm taking from you, you take from me. No holding back." He wrapped my braid around his hand tugged it a little rougher, not stopping until his lips were back at my neck.

"Agreed," I whispered as his tongue flicked out and danced warmly against my skin.

"And," he added, releasing my hair, "you always make the first move. I'm a guy with a pretty health sex drive. I've done the casual thing before. You're new to this and still dealing with some really heavy shit. I won't turn you down, but I need you to show me when you want to get lost for a while. I'll blow on the embers, you just give me the spark." Was everything he said always so seductive?

"What if you need to get lost? That doesn't seem fair."

"Nothing in life is fair, but if I get to have you again in any way, it's a hell of a good deal for me." He grinned, showing off his teeth—the ones I remembered capturing my lip. I guess there was only one thing left to cover then.

"It stops when this road trip is over. It stops if one of us wants out. No one knows about it—I go home and the people think I'm the same girl I was when I left. You go back to base and never share what we did with anyone." His smile went flat at my words.

"I'd never expose you like that Juliet. What happens between us stays between us. You have my word."

My lips curled up and I nodded. I trusted him. Liam kissed my forehead and then turned over onto his back, reaching for the remote. He moved his arm out and I tucked myself against him, resting my cheek on his warm comforting chest. His hand made slow circles on my back as he pulled me in and we both settled into each other. I felt my eyes closing a little longer each blink as sleep started to pull me under.

"Goodnight, Juliet."

"Goodnight, Liam. Thanks for tonight." I was serious when I said it, but his chest rumbled with a laugh and he kissed the top of my head.

"Did you just thank me for the sex?" he teased. In a way, I totally had. I'm sure he felt me smile against his skin, but I refused to open my eyes. "Any time, sweetheart. Any time." I couldn't hold in my giggle. The last thing I remember was drifting off to sleep with a genuine smile on my face.  

****Don't forget to vote. This friends with benefits could totally work....right? What could possibly go wrong?