Seven Letter Words #Wattys2016

Part 39

Liam

She was so fucking beautiful. I'm not sure when it had happened, but I couldn't focus on the way she was making me feel without feeling like she was slipping through my grip already. I wanted to hold her to me, I wanted to tuck her body beneath my own and drive into her with everything I had, making her mine. But to her I'd always be a list of seven letter words—a giant reminder that loving someone hurts. I wasn't going to get her heart, but I could get a little more of her mind.

I realize this is going to sound cheesy and stupid, but I didn't want to be just a quick fuck for her either. I wanted her to look back on this trip and know that she was worth more. Sure, the sex was great, but the friendship wasn't so bad either. Her eyes looked up into mine and a smile curved her lips. She slowly lifted her lips to mine and kissed me.

It was different than any kisses before. It was slow and soft. She ran her fingers through my hair and stroked the back of my head lightly. Things had seemed to slow down, but really they hadn't. They'd shifted to another mood altogether. I lifted my hand to her face and drew her nearer. Her soft, contented sigh rushed out and I moved so I could put my elbows on each side of her head and look down into her eyes.

I tucked my face where her shoulder met her neck and nuzzled my nose along her soft skin. She smelt like sugar cookies and girl, a scent that drifted into my heart and filled it with a longing to stay with her. I kissed a trail to her shoulder and then back up to just below her ear. The rush of earlier had been replaced with a slow burn that kept my mouth constantly tasting her.

My hand swept down her side, tracing along her ribs and dropping beneath her to pull her thigh up until her body cradled mine. I felt something expanding inside me like an overwhelming power needing to find a home. I closed my eyes and willed my heart to reign in the chaos, but what I was feeling took directions from no one. I was falling and there would be no stopping it. My head snapped up and our eyes met, hers were filled with wonder and curiosity.

I let my thumb brush her jaw, and watched as he studied my expression. She could tell something was different, but both of us knew it was too much, too soon. We were just kids and it had been just days. Her arms moved down my back and she tightened her grip, hugging me close to her chest and burying her face in my neck. I didn't want to close my eyes. I felt like my world was starting to spin and the solid ground I had been standing on at the start of this trip was now buckling and crumbling beneath my feet.

Her hands dipped beneath my shirt and she slowly lifted it. She rested her head back against the pillow and let her gaze fall to mine. I wanted to do it right, I wanted to take her out and be with her beyond the way we seemed to move together so perfectly. My brows pulled together as I looked at her questioningly. Didn't she want that too? Didn't she want to spend time building security into this arrangement? What I saw looking back at me was resignation. My thumb circled her cheek slowly, our breaths dancing in the space between us.

I'd promised her she could use me to help ease her hurt, but now I saw so clearly that she was afraid. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, making my heart beat with panic and anticipation. When they opened again I knew. She knew I'd hurt her too. It was never my intention, but somewhere along the way we'd crossed some line and now it was too late. Any way we moved—together or apart—we were going to cause a pain deep enough to scar.

She abandoned my rising shirt and went to work on my pants, keeping her eyes on mine as she pushed them down just low enough to release me. I pulled at her pants until they slipped down to her calves and she worked them the rest of the way quickly. We didn't say a thing, didn't move to meet our mouths. There was a desperation so sharp it felt as if it was cutting my chest on each inhale, but it left a gaping emptiness as the air fled my lungs.

We were connected in a way I'd never been with another woman and the vulnerability scared the shit out of me. But I couldn't stop. What was pulling us together was bigger than the two of us. Her shirt was still on as was mine, but I pushed at her entrance. "I don't have anything," I confessed. We'd used every condom I'd had in my wallet already.

"I'm on the pill. I trust you," she answered. A chill slipped down my spine, drawing me closer yet again and I slid inside her smoothly not stopping until I had completely filled her. I watched her face and she watched mine. We were still half dressed, but we needed nothing more to drive us to the finish. I just wanted to be cradled between her legs and listening to each gasp. It was slow and steady. I'd never had sex like this—never felt so desperate to be inside her that I didn't want to pull out more than a little each time. We moved close and in time, her hips rotating slightly to meet each thrust. When I felt her tightening around me I pushed deep, looking into her eyes with a silent plea for her to leave hers open. I wanted to watch them change as she came apart. She gave me that.

When she finally lost the battle and closed them, tipping her head back a bit further to pull in a deep breath, I moved my arms closer. I gathered her body on my forearms and cradled her head in my hands. I rested my forehead against hers, softly brushing my nose along her cheek before pressing our bodies as close together as any two people could ever be and losing everything inside her. 

***Sorry it's been so long. I've been working on edits for my book deal. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I hope I can get a little more up for you this weekend.