Nobody's Perfect But You're Perfect... To Me (kellic)

Chapter 5- Hold on till may

*****TRIGGER WARNING*****

Kellin's pov-
I was sitting in the spinny chair thinking back to when Vic and I were messing about on this chair... I hope this doesn't ruin whatever it is we have. If I am bipolar, how will he react, he might hate me...

Vic came in, still looking at me with that sad glint in his eye. What did I do? He sat on his bed as I awkwardly sat in the chair too nervous to ask him about tonight.
"Can you stop that?!" Vic snapped before his eyes softened again.
I noticed I was tapping my foot so stopped abruptly, feeling bad for annoying him.
"You're still doing it!" Vic mumbled. I realised I was fiddling with my pen aswell so stopped. He sighed and looked upset. What did I do?!
"Stop biting your lip!" He finally lost his nerve with me... I'm such an idiot...

I ran off to the bathroom crying, I don't know why you ever thought he would want to come with you. If you are bipolar it's just another excuse for you to waste space in this earth. Anorexic, Depressed and now maybe you can add bipolar to the long list of things wrong with your life. Give up... The voices were tormenting me but I hadn't done this in so long...

I heard Vic pounding on the door begging me to come out but his words were becoming a blur as was everything else. I reached into my black notebook and found the blade I had taped to the cover all those years ago. You deserve it... What have you got to live for... The voices were so loud I could hear nothing else as I gave in. The voices shut up as the cold blade pierced my skin. I wiped the blade before cleaning my wrist, I looked at my arm feeling so disappointed in myself... You were doing so well...

I walked out of the bathroom feeling ashamed. Chris was sat on the desk chair... Wait, what the fudge?!

"Kellin... I asked Vic if he was coming tonight and he said he didn't know what I was talking about..." He looked at me questioningly, I just looked down and crawled into my bunk, he left son after still confused.

I lay in my bed crying and shaking, my breathing was so bad that I felt dizzy...
"Kells" Vic's voice croaked, he sounded so broken... Why?
I looked up feeling scared he would hate me.
"What was Chris talking about..?" I died a bit as I heard the sadness thick in his voice... What have I done?
I explained through my tears as he sat there trying to be as supportive as he could.
"I would love to come..." he smiled at me.
"Sorry..." I trailed off, "for earlier..." he didn't know to the full extent why I was apologising but he nodded anyway.

Vic's pov-
Something's wrong with Kellin... He ran into the bathroom crying them comes out like nothing happened.
Anyways, I can't imagine how nervous Kellin must be about this evening...

We are sitting in the car, Chris driving, Kellin and I sat in silence. I want to know Kellin is okay... Maybe this meeting could explain alot... I just hope he didn't do anything stupid earlier before Chris arrived... I mean when he flinched yesterday it reminded me so much of what happened before... What if he-

"Yoohoo" Chris said snapping me out of my thoughts and apparently doing the same for Kellin.
"We're here!" he said trying to make light of the situation. I smiled weakly at Kellin to try reassure him. I wish I could just hug him and tell him everything will be ok... I wouldn't leave him over this... I would love him no matter what... Even if he will never love me back...

We were sat in the cluttered office that smelt strongly of hospitals and hand sanitiser, yay my favourite! Kellin was biting his bottom lip like he was earlier. I really wish he would stop doing that it makes him like 10x hotter than he already is.

The smell reminded me of the therapy I was forced to go to years ago.
"So..." the woman's sickly sweet voice annoyed the hell out of me as she smiled at us with no real emotion... I really hate being here but it's for Kellin...
"From what Mr Cerulli here has told me prior to this meeting it seems highly probable that, Mr Bostwick, you are bipolar." she spoke as though she had been programmed to say this and was leaving an automated message. I noticed I was shaking violently, at the memories of childhood therapy. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around to see Chris
"Stay strong... For Kellin" he whispered to me, it helped me to calm down as I looked over to see Kellin tearing up, I wiped the stray tear off his cheek and smiled sadly at him, my heart fluttered as he looked into my eyes and smiled a little bit. It was a real smile, his eyes lit up and in that moment I felt like we could make it, if only he wanted an us... Which he doesn't.

"Do you have any questions?" The lady asked, her voice still emotionless. Chris asked the questions because Kellin was crying and I was close to punching her. Instead I comforted Kellin, whispering to him as he cried silently.
"It will be ok, this doesn't affect anything, I still love you..." the words had came out before I realised what I had said... Shit!

Kellin looked up at me, his eyes a mixture of shock and sadness... What have I done... I've ruined everything... I ran out of the room and caught a bus back to our room...

I remained there curled up in my bunk crying until I heard the door open...
I looked up to see Kellin...

A/N I am so sorry