Better Off Away (BOOK 2)(Wattys2016)

A Coffee Date

I settle into a new pattern after I move in with my Aunt Isabelle. In the morning, I make myself a cup of tea, get ready for the day, prepare for college, eat lunch with Izzy, explore the City if I feel up to it, watch reruns of Girl Code, listen to my Aunt's vinyl collection, eat dinner and then go to bed before waking up and starting over. It's a constant cycle of replay, but I don't mind it because there isn't a single lie in the normalcy of it all. I'm able to be myself, 100% of the time.

I enjoy the time I spend with Izzy even though it's rare. Most of the day she's cooped up in her office, working on a huge project she was assigned the day before I arrived in the City. When she does emerge from her office, it's either to eat with me or ask me what I'm doing for that day.

I don't mind being alone in a quiet apartment. I'm able to order all my textbooks and also continue to write whatever comes to mind, though lately I've been at a standstill. It's not that I've had writer's block; I've had thoughts and words in my mind, swirling around. But when I go to write them on a page, they slip away and don't return until I don't have the chance to write them down.

Four days after I've returned to New York, Lola calls me. She asks me if I'm busy, and of course I'm not busy at all. We plan to meet for coffee at Glory's in the afternoon. I mosey around the apartment and write a note to Isabelle, letting her know where I'll be in case she comes out of her office and needs me.

Then I go through my closet to keep myself occupied and realize that my wardrobe is lacking in variety and exceeding in bad-slash-bordering-out-of-date taste. I start to form a pile of the clothes that just aren't right anymore or I don't want them. Half-way through the closet I make the decision to root out things that are bright colored, making my wardrobe entirely the colors of black, white, nudes and metallic's.

By the time I'm done with that I change out of my pajamas and into a pair of black high-waisted shorts and a white tank top, tucked in. I add a silver necklace with a letter 'M' dangling from it and pull my hair into a high pony, letting wisps frame my face. I slip on a pair of black flats and then do my makeup: nude lips, winged eyeliner, dramatic eyelashes.

I hail a taxi and go to Glory's, both anxious and excited to see Lola in person. It feels like eons have passed since we last saw each other and I need to know that things are okay between us.

I pay the cab driver once we're stopped outside the shop and then hastily enter the café, anxious and nervous all at once. I spot her bright red hair almost immediately, noticing that it's starting to fade into a pinkish color. Her face breaks into a grin as soon as she sees me and she jumps up to hug me.

I breathe in her familiar scent and exhale all the worry I've held in, concerning Lola. Worry of whether or not she still liked me, of her being okay with the decisions I made, the regret I expressed.

She pulls away from me, still smiling. "How the hell are you, Macey?"

I laugh and we sit down at the table she'd saved for us. I see she already bought me a couple macaroons – raspberry flavored. A twist of nostalgia forms in my stomach as I remember the day we interns spent in the City.

The day Jack pursued me more than ever before.

I shake the memory from my skin and answer Lola. "I'm doing really well, Lola. How are you? Fill me in on the internship program; what happened after Jeremiah died? How did he die?" All the questions spill out of my mouth, piling atop one another.

Lola smirks, but then lets it fade as she sighs in an almost tired way. "Well, no one really knows how Jeremiah died. I guess it was health related, but he didn't want the public to know. Honestly, I don't think Jack even knows the entire story..." She pauses, thinking of what to say first and sipping her mocha latte. "The program disbanded the day after Jeremiah's funeral. Jack gave the two winning positions to Tom and I..." Her eyes meet mine, searching to see if she can follow up.

I look back curiously. "What?"

Lola shrugs. "He chose us because we were the ones closest to you... Of course, he didn't say that right out, but I can tell... It's almost like he refuses to forget you." She looks at me, eyebrows drawn together.

"What?" I ask again, though more hesitant.

"Can I be brutally honest with you?" I nod, slowly and she continues. "He is still confused, angry, hurt... and he's still... in love with you."

I feel a stirring in my stomach, but I push it aside, refusing to ruin Jack's life by running back to him. I look anywhere but at Lola. I analyze the floor, the walls, the ceiling – even the man sitting next to us with a triangle tattooed on his forearm in an inky shade of black.

He's still in love with you...

Those words should build me up, but they only make me feel guiltier. I was so shallow, so terrible to Jack – how could he still love me?

Lola sighs, rolling her eyes. "Why won't you go back to Jack? Honestly, Macey, even I don't string a guy out this long. I mean its fun while it lasts, but enough is enough."

I latch onto something, trying to change the topic. "You're dating Tom now?"

She rolls her eyes again. "Yes, but that's beside the point. The point is that you're denying yourself happiness because you lied and cheated. But, what's the point in doing that if you're only making Jack even more miserable in the process?"

I involuntarily grit my teeth. "I don't deserve happiness with Jack... Besides," my tone is bitterly jealous, "he's with Mia now and that's how things are supposed to be."

Lola scoffs, but I ignore her, focusing on the man with the tattoo as he leaves the café. "Jack's not with Mia anymore. She was fired and he broke things off the same day Jeremiah died.."

My eyes sting as I watch the man with the tattoo disappear among the crowd on the street. I refuse to believe that Jack could be mine again. "Mia may be gone, Jack may still love me, I may still love Jack, but we can't go back to what we had. Circumstances have changed – we have changed."

Lola looks at her phone. "That may be, but perhaps these circumstances will be even better than the last... I have to go – I'm supposed to meet with Jack about my new contract. Care for me to deliver a message to him?"

My eyes still sting and I realize how hollow I feel. Lola played her cards right – she got a scholarship, a job, a boyfriend and Jack out of the whole program. I bluffed and ended up folding in the end – losing the Golden boy, losing my chance at a job, but finding a new path.

I shake my head slowly, standing as she does. I hug her, closing my eyes to stop the stinging. "Tell Tom I say hi and congrats on winning you over."

Lola pulls away, shaking her head. "I don't know why you're doing this to yourself or to Jack, but I hope you change your mind. He's a really great guy who loves you. It's as simple as that – don't over-complicate it."

I watch her leave before throwing away my napkin and leaving as well. I walk the streets for a while, breathing in the collective energy of a City of this size. Lola thinks it's an easy choice and maybe it is – maybe I am making it more complicated than I need to.

I hail a cab and head back for the apartment, wishing I'd given Lola something to say to Jack – anything, a fragment of words, a poem from my mind, a kiss on the cheek, a word, anything. But what good would that do me? I've already ruined all my chances with Jack.

I pay the taxi driver and ride the elevator up to the apartment, the hollow feeling taking over my enter body. I'm so stupid – so, so stupid. I stumble out of the elevator, into the apartment to find that Izzy has remained in her office the entire time I was gone. I walk into my bedroom, falling on the bed and pulling out my laptop.

I open Skype and do the only thing I know will fill this void: I call Gemma and Larkin.

•••

A/N: here's an update! Hope you like it!!!

on the side is a picture of what I think Glory's could kind of look like :)

love always, Samantha X