Diary Of A Teenage Player

Mon January 11, 2016

I proposed to Dixie today...for those who wonder it happened a little like this...

Me: I know we've only been together for 2 months but you have stuck by my side for 6 months

Dixie: °stares in confusion°

Me: °kneels down° will you marry me?

Dixie: °smiles covering her mouth° ohmygosh yes!

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Yes I understand that I'm only a sophomore but I'm 16 years old and have had my heart broken so many times I've lost count. My whole life I've let people get close and in the end they end up leaving. I have NEVER proposed to a girl face to face bcuz I lock up and get all nervous and begin to studder but for some reason I was calm. For some reason I wasn't scared. For some reason I wasn't second guessing maybe it's because...I've lost my feelings. I feel so numb to the world.

My friends ask me what it's like to be a perfect couple...it takes loyalty, honesty and affection. No girl wants to be with someone who doesn't make her feel wanted and special. She doesn't wanna be with someone who looks at her and thinks about another girl. She doesn't want someone who can look her in the eye and lie to her. You don't have to have a relationship like The Notebook to be the perfect couple. No. In my opinion there is no such thing as a perfect couple but the closest thing to it is no matter what happens they always run right back to each other. So their next question is "so like you and Callie". My only response to them is "sure why not".

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Don't get me wrong Callie is an amazing girl but...everytime we try to start back over something happens so that's why I keep letting her go. We won't be able to see each other until after we graduate and she doesn't deserve that. One thing I've learned throughout my life is that if you really love someone you have to let them go. If they return it was truly suppose to be. Yes I know Callie always returns but I can't give her what she needs. I can't give her what she deserves.

My friends ask me "so how do you know when it's over?" So the only way I know is..when you can look at her picture and not wanna kiss her no more. When you don't feel like you've been hit by a train at the sound of someone saying her name anymore. When you can drive down the road and not be afraid of what's playing on the radio. When that time of the year don't stir up them tears anymore. When it don't feel like the past is a gun and there's nowhere to run anymore. When it don't take every bone to not dial her number just leave her alone. When you wouldn't go back even if you could and hearing she's happy finally feels good. Well that's when you know it's over. That's when you know you've made it to the other side.