Diary Of A Teenage Player

Wed February 17, 2016

I've staid up all night reading her update over and over again. She admitted it. She admitted I was her soul mate. Does this mean she wants me in her life? Does she still dream of waking up next to me? My only fear in life is having kids and it ending up I fail them the way that I've been failed my whole life. My whole life I've watched my father work his ass off and care about his job more than his kids and family. What if that ends up being me?

What the hell am I talking about? I'm fucking engaged. I should be thinking about that life. I mean what am I supposed to do if she decides to run off and hide like a scared little girl again? I'm tired of playing it safe but I'm tired of being disappointed as well. I mean she says she wants us to be together but what the hell happened when I wanted her? She ran off and had her fucking fling with Nathan. I'm just trying to quit playing safe all the time but I also want to protect my heart like I should've the very first time she left me standing in my room bauling my eyes out like a baby.

I mean do you blame me or am I just over-thinking things like I always do? Yes she is the girl that I saw next to me every morning for the past 3 and a half almost four years. I also know no matter how much I try to push her away my heart will always take over and pull her right back into my arms. Every time I run off I think I'm keeping her safe from me but in the end all I do is disappoint her and hurt her. Why the hell couldn't she have listened to me 3 years ago when I told her I wouldn't be easy to love me. How am I suppose to love a girl when I can't even have a simple conversation with my own father. I don't know how to talk to him without screwing it up and getting shocked when he tells me he loves me.

My only question to you Callie is if you truly love me and wanna be with me...what're you gonna do about it? What's your next move?