My Best Friend's Dad - L.H

30

I am getting so stressed. 

3 big assignments are due next week that I hadn't even started on, Sebastian kept making threats, trying to scare me into bed with him and I guess I still haven't gotten over Luke. 

I am so confused. 

I don't feel for him anymore. 

I honestly don't feel for anyone anymore. 

I feel...

empty.

I can't even concentrate on school anymore. 

Last year I was the top in the whole grade. 

But my grades have been dropping lately. I can't wrap my head around any of my school task that I would consider easy last year. 

I just lost interest in everything and everyone. 

I don't see in colour anymore. My mum has been trying to talk to me but I refuse to tell her anything. She doesn't need to know so why should I tell her? 

She said even if I don't want to talk to her, I should talk to someone, like a psychiatrist. But I don't see the need to, she won't understand, she'll think that I am disgusting, a slut, a dumb whore,  like all the others. 

I've heard people whispering about me, thinking that I am depressed or something. 

I wouldn't call it depressed. I would just call it a lack of interest for the rest of the world. 

Because, honestly, that how I see the world, uninteresting and dull. 

We all don't realise how everything we do is just in one big cycle, people working for others, the human race has not developed over the years, only our way of disguising our way to manipulate others have. 

I feel like I am the only person that can see truths in this world, the only one that can really put up with reality. 

Thats the reason my hand is tightening around a bag I had on my back, my feet skidding across the pavement as I run as fast as I can. 

I can't take it anymore. 

I want to try something new. 

I want to see colour again, I want to see happiness again, I want to love like I used to. 

But I can't when I am stuck in this place. 

I want to break free from this society, just into a new neighbourhood. 

I just need some air, I  just-just need to feel free for once.

I have been running for about 10 minutes when I came to the main train station in the city. 

I walked up to the booth where you could buy tickets for the trains. 

I looked up at the billboard, seeing that the next train that came in two minutes was going to Canberra. 

The line looked like it was never ending, forcing to run up to the start of the line, shoving myself in front of a man that was completely indulged in eating his peculiar coloured ice-cream. 

"Hey mate, you just cut the line!" He yelled when he noticed I cut. 

"One ticket to the next train to Canberra please" I huffed out, still slightly out of breath from all the running. 

"That will be 56 and a half dollars please" The lady said, in a very monotoned voice. 

I dug my hands into my pockets getting out my wallet, quickly pulling out the right amount of money and quickly grabbed the ticket that the lady slid under a plastic glass that was in front of her. 

I sprited toward the tracks that the train was about to leave from. 

I have been running way too much today.

I jump onto the train and look for a the sat number that is written on my ticket. 

I find it a few minutes later, in the corner of the train, a window seat. 

I set down my bag on my seat, pulling out my phone and ear buds, setting my bad up on the shelf above the seat. 

I sit down, plugging the earbuds into my ears and clicking on my playlist.

I closed my eyes thinking of the last couple of hours. 

It started of with me just sitting by my desk, my head in my hands, my eyes glossy and my cheeks slightly tear stained. 

I felt like that the tears were almost permanently carved into my tender cheeks because of the amount of tears that I have cried that last couple of weeks. 

I hate crying although I catch myself doing it at least twice a day lately. 

I used to never cry. 

Only of laughter or when a dog died in a movie. 

Why did everything have to become so complicated?

I opened my eyes and turned my head when I heard a rustling sound beside me, a old women taking her jacket off and sitting down beside me. 

She sent me a small smile, me returning one slightly after. 

I turned my head back to its previous position and closed my eyes once again.I stood up and headed towards the closet. 

I pulled out an old bag that had been living in the back of my closet for several years, fishing out some clothes, mostly just t-shirts, shorts, and undergarments, and then later my toiletries, the usual, nothing fancy.

I took out a small paper note writing a short message to my mum; 

Mum I love you 

But I have to take a break from everything 

I don't know when I'll be back 

Please don't worry about me 

I'll be okay 

xoxo Milla

I laid the note on my neatly made bed, opening the window and jumping out, closing it after me. 

I opened my eyes again, looking out the window seeing the town that I grew up in drift past my eyes as we went out the cities boundaries. 

I could finally breath again. 

I could finally be... 

Me.

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Hey guys! I'm so sorry for the late update 

hope you can forgive me 

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-Fie😳