Traffic Lights ✓(tronnor)

3. When he thinks I'm asleep ♡

I'm laying on my side of the bed, my eyes are closed. I hear the door opening and closing. Connor's footsteps sound softly, the way he does when he thinks I'm asleep. He walks to my side, he bends over and gives me a kiss on my forehead; 'I love you' he whispers, the way he does when he thinks I'm asleep. I have a hard time trying to suppress the big smile I want to smile. He walks over to his side and gets underneath the covers. I hear him sigh. He lays on his back and stares at the ceiling. The way he always does when he thinks I'm asleep. I turn around, facing him. He scares up and sighs, he shakes his head lightly, the way he always does when he discovers I wasn't asleep. 'You always get me with that' he says, and he glances at the ceiling. I snigger 'because you let me' I respond. I reach for his hand and we intertwine our hands, fingerlaced. It still feels extraordinary, just one little touch can make me feel like I'm standing in the eye of a storm. 'I'm really proud of you" I say, my cheeks turning red like he just told me my eyes are beautiful for the first time. He exaggerates a big exhausting sigh 'I know, I'm proud of me too.' he says with a grin. His face then grows gloomy. He stares past me in the distance. I can't help but notice how great that white V-neck looks on him, even though I have already seen it a million times. His eyes seem sad. My vision suddenly gets blurry again, pieces of me standing in the crowd , the red traffic lights.. I shake my head. 'Con.. What's the matter?' I ask. He turns to me, I can see that he wants to say that nothing is wrong, but he knows that won't make things better. 'It's just, I know my book is good, it's weird to say that. But I know it's good. But I also thought that about the last one.. And the reviews were.. Awful to say the least..' he utters with a trembling voice. 'I'm just scared, insecure'. I squeeze his hand and move closer. It's weird to realize that even he has his insecurities. I sigh and look into his eyes trying to get through him 'Con, you are a great writer. Everyone loved a work in progress, everyone loved Life doesn't wait, Words was a masterpiece and you know it. Everyone knows it. they just didn't like Becoming you because of the message, they know it applies to them and they are scared to admit that, that's why they found it pedantic. But believe me, everyone is going to adore for him. Because you are amazing and your writing is too. Don't be scared... There's no need to be' I tell him reassuringly. He smiles at me. 'Yeah. But that's your opinion, and you understand me even if I don't use words' he smiles back. I nod 'true' I state and I smile. He clears his throat 'uhm Troye..,' he starts, indicating he wants to ask me something serious. I feel my heart sink a little knowing what is going to come next. 'What was that? With the connor watch out? During the speech?' he asks, directly. He knows that works better with me then asking me indirectly. I pretend I'm suprised, and then I shove it away carefully. 'Oh that.. Just what I said. It was supposed to be a joke' I say, hiding my trembling voice. He frowns 'really?' he asks. I swallow the big lump in my throat. 'Yeah.' I say and I quickly smile. 'Okay..' he responds. I turn around, facing the windows once again, tears welling up in my eyes. I can't lie to him forever and I know that, it's just.. Once he knows he won't be able to unknow. I hear him moving, I feel his arm around my chest and he lays against me. I grab his hand and squeeze it, holding back my tears. I feel his bodywarmth, his doesn't suffocate me like the rest does, even my own. 'I love you too' I whisper softly. He sniggers. 'I know Troye, I know..' he says while falling asleep. Dreaming about the sky, and I can go on about endless cliches about how the moonlight shines on his face perfectly enhancing his jaw, and reflecting on the curl of his lips, but I just like to lay and think about the sky he's dreaming about. Believing that the sky is the limit and therefore has no limit. So "the limit doesn't exist" I mumble in my Cady voice. I hear Connor sniggering. 'Oh, how much I love you Troye Sivan Mellet' he whispers.