Traffic Lights ✓(tronnor)

13. Stitches ♡

The beep is buzzing in my head as I sit on a chair in the waiting room of the ER. My hands are covering my face. My knees are still trembling. I feel my temple, the stitches are still hurting.  My shoulders are aching and my upper left arm is bruised. The seat belt had left its marks on me too.The beep won't stop. There is no way of escaping it anymore. It has become part of who I am. I need help. Before things will go from bad to worse. Or maybe they are already problematic, maybe they have been for a very long time and I was just too blind to give in. 'Troye! Troye!' I hear Connor's hastily voice. I immediately stand up. He notices me and walks over, I watch him approach with teary eyes. I couldn't bare anymore. 'Are you okay?' he asks with his brows furrowed. And I'm not okay, anyone within a 100 mile radius can see that I am in fact, not okay. I haven't been for a long time. But him saying that means something more, because it's him. It's one of those little gestures that expresses love. We have millions of those. I fall into his arms into his familiar embrace. I break down and I cry rivers of tears. My shoulders are shaking and I'm on the edge of collapsing as a whole. Connor holds on to me tighter, rubbing circles on my back. I pull away 'No, no Connor I'm not okay' I sniffle. I feel my legs becoming limp and I collapse into a chair. He sits down next to me and pulls me in another hug. He comforts me like only he can, he makes me feel safe. After a while I'm only shaking. I pull away. Connor looks at me with his green eyes, he seems to have cried too. 'Where are Zoe and Alfie?' he asks concernedly. 'Still in the room' 'Are they okay?' 'Alfie is, but Zoe..' I say and I feel a lump locking my throat. The guilt takes over me, I gaze at the ground. Connor grabs my hands, I look at him. 'Troye, what happened?' I take a deep breath, 'I was driving, it went pretty well. I decided to go faster. Then there was a green traffic light, I was sure I could make it. Zoe and Alfie warned me that I wouldn't. I didn't listen. It jumped to red and, I freaked out. I screamed your name and I steered the wheel to the right' 'Why are you so afraid of red traffic lights?' Connor asks, he knows that this is the moment to ask all the right questions. Because I will give him real answers. 'Because.. Everytime I see a red light, a red traffic light. I know that something bad is going to happen. And it's my job to protect you.' I say, my voice raspy and broken. He leans in closer to me as he looks at me worriedly. 'You don't just see them when on the road, do you?' he asks, sadness shines through his voice. 'No, I see them everywhere I look when something feels off' I confess. Connor nods his head. I swallow the lump in my throat, Connor throws me a sympathetic smile. 'And then what happened?' I shrug, 'It all happened really fast I... don't know. I tried to hit the brackets but the car rode into a ditch into a tree, Alfie and I were both  on the left side, Zoe was in the unfortunate passenger seat. They are running more tests on her now.' I state softly to prevent my voice from breaking. 'I'm scared Connor..' I utter as another tear falls down my cheek. 'I feel so guilty..' I say as my stomach twists. He pulls me into another hug. 'I'm so sorry..' Connor whispers as I cry onto his shoulder. 'I shouldn't have been such a douchebag, I should have just come with you to the dinner and none of this would have happened.' he rambles, his voice breaks. 'I'm so sorry Troye, I'm so sorry.' he repeats, and I could feel that he was crying. I pull away and look up at him. I cup his face in my hands and wipe his tears away with my thumbs. 'Don't be' I whisper as I gaze into his eyes. He smiles a timid smile, he grabs my hands. 'I'm just so glad that you're okay' he says with a sigh. I smile and we hug. It's ironic, how we always smile in the worst circumstances, maybe because we only appreciate what we have right then and there. Because when the worst has come, you can beat anything. Like you've won at life because you are able to smile in what may be the worst moment of your life. Guilt eating at you because you are able to smile, and that triggers happiness, because hey! you're still able to smile. You can still smile. Round of applause for you. 'Troye, Connor' I hear a broken voice. Alfie walks up to us. His eyes red, watery and puffy. his mouth curved downwards. His body weak. We stand up, I feel my heart drop to my stomach as I can feel that the worst is yet to come. 'She, we.. we lost the baby' he utters with difficulty. My heart skips a beat, maybe two, maybe an infinity of beats. I hold my breath as I hear Zoe scream at me in the car 'TROYE!' I didn't listen. And then I collapse, I fall back in the chair, full on sobbing in my hands. The beep buzzing, it can only get worse. The guilt takes over me and my heart aches from the pain I've caused others. Zoe lost the baby and it's my fucking fault. 

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honestly I've been sad all day because of the tronnor breakup rumors. Pretty sure they're just that though, rumors. Do you guys think they are still together? I really hope so, but we have to wait it out and see I guess. After all we're speculating about a couple breaking up, even though we don't even know for sure that they are a couple.