Traffic Lights ✓(tronnor)

14. when he knows I'm asleep ♡

I wish that I can just disappear into the tiny space, or perhaps the hole, that provides me shelter from the terrible reality of this messed up world right now. Right here. I screwed up. I screwed up so bad. Connor isn't even comforting me anymore. He's just gazing at me, watching me as I break down and drown in the ocean that is my emotions. My heart has started to throb from all this. Alfie is staring at me too, I can't tell if he despises me. Maybe he's still deciding that. Maybe he feels guilty too because he was the one to put me on the spot. We can all feel guilty, because we all could have prevented it. It was just an inconvenient gathering of circumstances. But after all, that's how everything happens, good and bad. I don't dare to face her. I know I have to, but I can't urge myself to do it. Connor knows what I'm thinking. 'Can we see her?' he asks. Alfie wipes away a few tears, 'No, we'd rather be alone for the night, it's getting late and you guys should probably just go home..' he says and he plays with his own fingers a bit. Zoe probably hates me, I can see it in the way Alfie's acting. He's nervous because he thinks we'll pick up on it. 'And tomorrow?' Connor inquires. Alfie gazes at the ground. 'uhm.. I'll, I'll call you guys tomorrow' he responds. Connor nods slowly. He grabs my hand and pulls me up from the chair. I stagger and then I stand still, everything stands still. For one second, my mind is at peace. Noises stop, emotions stop, time stops and I'm at the beginning of the circle again. And then my head starts to spin. Connor wraps his arm around me for support and we walk outside. In the car, I fall asleep. Somehow, I always sleep when I'm feeling lots of emotions. Probably because my subconscious can handle my feelings better than I can. Connor lets me sleep, when we arrive home he picks me me up bridal style out of the car and he carries me into our house, up the stairs and in our bed. He gives me a peck on my forehead, the way he always does when he knows I'm asleep.

Connor walks up to his desk that is across from the bed in our bedroom. He sits down and storms fly through his brain. Ideas are everywhere but he can't seem to get hold of them. His thoughts are so much faster than his hands, they've always been. His brain is a storm, much like one terrorizing the night sky right now.