So now its 2016 and I was really hoping i coukd start this year off with people being better and that I wouldnt get bullied as much. Welp, I'm wrong. I guess me hoping for something makes it happen in reverse? Back in November my parents had sat us down and wanted to talk. We were like 'okay here's another lecture, yay -_-," but here's thing, it wasn't. We were sitting and my stepdad had started talking about how we might have known that they've been having problems. We didn't really know what they were talking about at first then they started talking about what happened almost 4 or 5 years ago with my mom. Anyways, they told us then they flat out told us.
My parents are separating. It was devastating, it still is. I still wonder everyday what we're going to so when they seperate. Where am I going to live? My mom can't afford to support four children on her own. I'm so scared. I don't know what to do anymore.
Now that I have that to worry about, we've started the 2nd trimester in our school. I had a feeling I wasn't going to enjoy it because I was getting tired of carrying around my drawstring because it always was in the way. So.... I started to use my locker in January. And that's when I knew it wasn't over. I seriously thought people were done pushing me around. But I was wrong. A kid in my school right next to my locker was there when I was there and I just like said 'excuse me' and he like didn't care and moved further in front of my locker and was pushing me out of the way. He would always laugh and mumble under his breath 'he's a faggot' and bulls hit like that. Like I seriously fell so low. I was so hurt. I still can't get over that I have to deal with that everyday. I'm always scared that I'm going to say something back then I'll jus get hit or something because I stood up for myself. I really hate school and I've thought about dying so many times because of it. Like a few nights ago I almost hit my breaking point and I just was ready to quit. I got everything ready and I was so devastated and was really about to give up. I really try. I do. On top of domestic abuse at home, I have this. This really puts so much stress on me and I've been really depressed because no matter what I do its always wrong and No one appreciates me.
My friend was at her 'dad's' house and was talking about me and he asked how I was and she told him about my attempts and how I was pretty hurt. Then he said 'you know there's a breaking point, do you think he's there?' And she said yes. She asked me about it and I almost burst into tears. It really hurts to know that you are close and you really need help but you don't want to tell your parents because you don't want to be put into a mental institution. I don't really want to like tell anyone about it but I mean you're reading this now so you know. I'm just really scared. I don't know what to do anymore guys. I really don't. I honest don't want to try with anyone. Nor do I want to try with myself. I'm just really stressed right now and no one will listen so they think I'm fine. I really just want some help. Please.....
