8th grade year
This year I went to have 2 great relationships with Haley and Sophia. Haley and I dated for 7 and a half months and she was so nice to me and I enjoyed every second but we broke up because she was moving and she was trying to blame it all on me. I got depressed as hell and was seriously cutting and I cut really deep and never got help. My parents were so hard on me and making me feel like shit because I didn't do what they wanted. J never had to worry so much in my life on weather I was coming home to live or coming home to be strangled because I angered my mom and stepdad so much. They never wanted to be around me. It was always my fault and they always thought I would ruin everything. Some days I would come home and no one was home and I would sit outside for hours until dark until they got home and found out they ate and I couldn't eat because it was past my bedtime.
On the days that I was happy, people
had ruined them. I would get made fun of in gym because I was chubby and no one liked me because I wants to popular and they could see my cuts and they would call me a freak and say I never had a life and I did it for attention. I was so devastated that they would say that because I had a life and I didn't do it for attention. They would laugh at me because I was so slow in gym because I was 170 pounds and never could get rid of it. They thought all I did was go home and get on games and eat like every other gamer. I went home and studied and played my cooking but they didn't know my life. They were trying to make it more difficult than it already was because that's what bullies do. I went home sometimes and took knives to my throat and tried to kill myself but it never would work. One day I tried drinking bleach and I guess I didn't drink enough because I waited and waited and my parents found me and almost sent me to a manual facility. They didn't know what was going on because they didn't care. All they worried about was having sex and going out to be away from me. They tell me no to run away from my problems but when I tried to fix them they would never stay to listen. I gave up, on everything. It was never enough for me to be "visible" to anyone.
9th grade year
This is the year that I had tried commuting suicide 3 times in 6 months. All these people at school would make fun of me because I would dress differently and wasn't a country boy and unpopular. They never understood what was going on in my head and they never will. I had to live day after day with cutting, bleeding out, no one helping, and never eating because I knew if I didn't do anything, they wouldn't either. I was wrong, I would try changing for people but they would just make fun of me more and they wouldn't care because they thought it would Make them look cool but really, they were bullying me and they didn't "know" they were.
This is the part where I tell you on how I almost died. Again. I was at home and in the phone with someone and I ran outside and ran away at 10P.M. And then I saw a car and jumped out in front of it and it swerved and hit me but it wasn't bad at all. I wish I wouldn't jumped out later so it wound to have swerved. I was so ready to end my life I tried everything i could to die. But no one would listen to me to help me. I had few people try am but it helped a little then I lost it again and attempted more and more. Toward the end of 9th grade year I made a couple of new friends from orchestra and they were cool and helped me when I was down but I bet they don't even like me because I am a freak. All the kids think down of me because I am a freak and I cut and make my body worse than it already is. I get told "it'll get better" all the time but you know what? It hasn't got any better since day one.! I can't stand living like this and want rink I how I can change but it doesn't work. Nothing works at all and I wish I could fix whatever I could to stop cutting and make my arms better without these scars but I already fucked up. Towards the beginning of june, it was the last time I had cut and it was really deep and I bled so much and tried to stop it but it wouldn't work so I just went to sleep hoping I would bleed out. Now I have fresher scars to show to the world so they know what a freak I am and how I can destroy other people's lives because I am depressing and never had a life to begin with. I think purple judge way too much and they don't realize what they're doing to people in this world. It hurts. People have feelings just like they do. My message to you is don't let people get you down. Don't follow my path and take the wrong turns and make yourself worse than it already is, because let me tell you something, when someone tells you what you should do and you don't, you'll regret it. I did. I still do and I wish I could change what I did I the last so I am not who I am today. I could have less scars but I didn't listen. Don't be such a Debbie downer like me. It'll get you nowhere. Stay positive and make sure to let the bullies know to fuck off okay? Good.
THE END
