Dear mom,
I'm starting to notice the little things about girls. Like how they'll tuck a strand of hair behind their ears in frustration, or wrinkle their noses in confusion. Tiny little insignificant details that I could never really notice with guys.
Not to say that I still didn't find guys attractive too, just not in the same way I could notice girls.
Then along came Jess*.
Jess was my first real girl crush. We met on Instagram and bonded over our mutual love of bands. I had just begun getting into bands, an interest that wasn't shared with my real life friends, so it was nice to meet someone who I could fangirl with. Someone who understood.
And somewhere along the way I began crushing on her.
But I couldn't tell her. I assumed she was straight and if I told her it would ruin our friendship. So I kept my mouth shut. At least to her.
I did tell one of my co workers who I trusted immensely about Jess. She understood my reasons for not telling Jess, though told me I should tell her anyway because "I would want to know if someone liked me."
Then my co worker asked the question: "Do your parents know?"
I shook my head no, horrified. "My parents would kill me if they knew I had a crush on a girl," I told her, only partly joking.
I knew it wasn't true, mom, but god it felt like it.
***
Along with Jess came my friends from Twitter. And man I could write forever about them, about their different personalities and how fucking amazing they all are.
The main thing though, is that most of them are in the LGBTQ+ spectrum in some way, whether it be gay, pansexual, asexual, trans, etc. And the ones who weren't were some of the most awesome supporters I had ever seen.
But my newly queer peers loved talking about LGBTQ+ issues and I was able to learn in a way that was never taught to me before. Also, sex. I was no stranger to gay sex (perks of being an avid fan fiction writer and reader) but Jesus, mom, the things I learned and heard, and cringed about when I thought about it too hard, were enough to keep me wondering for days.
But they were the most charming, smart, nice, and well-rounded group of people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.
So I began my own research. And wow. Call me ignorant, but I didn't really know about all the gray areas of sexualities until that moment. I, the student, had a lot to learn.
Love,
Your daughter
[A/N: And there's another part! Shout out to any of my Twitter pals that were reading... Um. Hi! I love you guys, seriously.
*: Names changed]
