She Dreamed of Paradise ❈ Suspian

Born to Die

"Don't make me sad, don't make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough
I don't know why
Keep making me laugh, let's go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime
Come and take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane
Choose your last words
This is the last time
Cause you and I, we were born to die"

- Born to Die by Lana Del Rey.

Susan couldn't sleep; the thought of her going to war was driving her insane. Although, she was proud of herself over the fact that she had the power over the men, and somehow convinced them to get an army together to fight against the fog; she rather liked that idea of being in charge but she couldn't get used to it anytime soon since back in England, she wasn't exactly capable of leading any kind of army or be in control of anything.

Sighing to herself, Susan threw her covers off herself and decided to go for a walk around the castle to hopefully take her mind off the thoughts of war. Draping a blanket across her shoulders, Susan quietly walked through the silent castle, the moonlight guiding her way.

As she was walking through the castle, she walked past Caspian's chambers and quickly noticed that his door was open. Frowning to herself, she walked inside to see the silhouette of Caspian sat outside on his balcony with a bottle of liquor beside him.

Taking a deep breath, Susan quietly walked out to him and joined Caspian on the bench, the bottle of liquor between them. "Are you scared to go to war?" She asked, her grip on the blanket growing tighter as they sat in the cold air.

Caspian turned to her, taking a moment to answer. "A little, are you?"

"Terrified. I'm almost certain we're going to die before we even get to Ettinsmoor."

"Then we should make the most of our last night," Caspian muttered before taking Susan's face in his hands and pressing a gentle kiss to her lips.

Susan tried to ignore the way her heart skipped a beat inside her chest once she felt Caspian's lips connect with hers but found it almost impossible, her cheeks flushed as she placed her fist on his chest, just to create some distance between them. "Caspian, you're drunk. You'll regret this in the morning."

"Who said I was drunk?" Caspian kept trying to kiss Susan but she resisted every time, pushing him away at his advances. She might adore Caspian and worship the ground he walked on, she would not put up with being treated in a way that made her feel uncomfortable.

"You are obviously not in your right mind. I don't know, Caspian. I mean, I want to – believe me, I want to. But it feels wrong; you're in love with Suzanna. And with that, I will leave you to your alcohol. I'll see you at sunrise. And make sure you're sober by the time sunrise comes around, you'll thank me later." With one last push, Susan grabbed her blanket and almost sprinted back to her room, shutting the door behind her. Once the door was shut, Susan backed away from the door until she reached her bed. Her mind was going into overdrive from what had just happened. She knew she'd never forgive Caspian for what he did but she needed to try to forget; although she already knew what would happen – she would never forget it and it would haunt her for the rest of her life, whenever someone would be intimate with her, she'd remember that, and it would never go away.