She Dreamed of Paradise ❈ Suspian

White Noise

"I'm watching.
I'm waiting.
I'm aching.
Suffocating.
I'm breathing.
I'm speaking.
Can you hear me?
I'm screaming for you.
Sick of the lack of signal.
Sick of the lack of touch.
Sick of the static voice.
It's not enough, it's not enough.
Baby it's hard to be just what you need when all I speak is static screams.
Can you hear me?"

- White Noise by PVRIS.

School had started after the Christmas holidays and everyone was confident about their "new year, new me" business, but Susan was having none of it. How could she start as a new person while she refused to let go of her life in Narnia? Of course, she didn't tell anyone about her adventures, not even Lucy. Everyone would think she was completely insane and that was the end of it. But she never forgot any of it, how could she? They were the best months of her life.

Late at night, Susan had taken up talking to the moon whenever the sky was clear and talking to her mirror when it was raining or an overcast night – somehow hoping Aslan or Suzanna was listening to her but she knew that they weren't. In this world, they didn't even know she existed. But it gave her some comfort and reminded her that it was real, that what happened in Narnia really did happen and it wasn't a dream.

Sitting on her window ledge, she stared up at the sky while she listened to music and took small sips of her tea, feeling completely at peace with herself. A small part of her missed the craziness of her party days but another and far bigger part of her didn't miss them at all, she just craved the silence and solitude of being alone with only her thoughts for company.

But being alone did have its downsides – for one, the only thing she thought about was her time in Narnia and how much she missed Caspian and the adventures she went on during her time there, something she tried to forget while she was drinking and doing things she would regret. When she was alone, she had nobody to hide behind with her thoughts and feelings; she had to face them herself and she didn't know if she could face those demons.

Resting her chin on her knees, she looked around her room and at all the clothes and belongings thrown around the room, and thought to herself that Finchley wasn't her home anymore – Narnia was her home and there was nothing she could do about it. The house she was in no longer felt like home, and though she did love her family dearly, she craved Narnia and Caspian.

Looking back up at the sky, Susan saw a shooting star and she dropped her mug on the floor and sprinted outside. "Aslan, I don't know if you can hear me but here goes; I wish I could have something of Narnia in my world. You know what I want, and I need it in my life. Or take me back to Narnia, I beg of you!"