The girl who made my life heaven and hell like

Chapter 11

Pia and I stayed with each other every weekend, after our first kiss. Although I was reluctant about it, I couldn't deny it from heart ; the denial came only from my lips. On the day before her return, Pia packed her stuffs and came to stay with me, so that she could get to the airport from my home. We took our last walk around the park. I felt an inexplicable tightening in chest, that has everything to do with her return. After a long walk, Pia pulled me to sit alongside her, overlooking the lake.

"Varun,…", she called me, softly, fiddling with my fingers. She did not look into my eyes.

I had strength to utter only a monosyllabic response.

"Do you feel this beautiful feeling between us?", she asked.

I remained silent. She still did not look up at me, nor did she release my fingers. She continued, feeling the depth of my silence. She knew I felt what she felt. "I wish we could take our relationship, a step further."

I finally looked at her, the exact second she looked up at me. "I love you, Varun.", she said, looking straight into my eyes, her eyes glinting with tears in mixed emotions - hope, fear, farewell, love, sincerity.

The knot in my chest tightened even more. I felt the same way about her. But, I wanted to take her to my mom first and get her consent, before accepting my love. For then, I just took her face in my hands and kissed her. We sat, holding each other's hands, letting silence settle between us, for what felt like an eternity.

When Pia left after three months, I felt a complete emptiness filling my life. Although I had friends around, I felt aloof. And whatever barriers I had constructed in the past between us, to increase the distance, was broken by her three months' stay, and her words on her last day. It kept ringing in my ears. I could no longer keep the heavy love for her to myself. I returned back home, to India, three months after Pia left. I knew I was going to take a greatest leap in my life. I felt guilt blocking my words, every time I got a chance to speak to my mom - guilt of shattering her dreams about my life, her trust on me, and the social respect she aimed for the family. I knew I was going to break it all in a single moment. I felt ashamed of being the reason she was going to lose it all. I finally mustered the courage to talk to her, and took her to the temple.  

"Mom, I want to tell you something." My mom continued to look at me, without responding. "I like a girl", I finally blurted out.

"Varun, I expected this, least from you. Tell me, the girl is from our community. If yes, proceed the talk, else, drop it right away here. We are not having this talk again"

Pia was from a different community. I am a Kannadiga (native of Karnataka, who speaks Kannada), while Pia was originally from Maharashtra. Typically, everything from our culture, differed. I sat, lips sealed, like an idiot. I knew I had to say something.

"So, the girl is from a different community. Is this why you think we were supportive to take your life the way you liked? To ruin the esteem of the family?", mom asked, tears falling down her face.

I could not see her like that. I hated myself for bringing this on her. I hated myself for falling in love. I was making the person I love the most in the world, cry in front of strangers. I wished I could kill myself, rather than doing this. I felt an excruciating pain in my chest.

Mom spoke no word to me on our way back home. Not even after reaching home. Dad spotted the abnormal behavior and questioned her. She said nothing and indulged in her chores. She came to my room, after dad slept. Whatever I had prepared to say, was lost, the moment she came.

"Varun, really what is wrong with you? Do you think we can't find you a suitable girl?"

The question stung my insides. We both sat quietly, silence pounding in the room.

"Who is the girl?". Mom broke the eerie silence.

I pulled myself together, and finally spoke, ignoring the pain in my windpipe. "She is my junior in college, mom. She is a good friend of mine, and is really a nice girl, mom. She will be a very good daughter-in-law. Please talk to her once, before ignoring my plea, please."

"You know about us. Your dad totally disfavors love, but the least I expected from you was to bring a girl suitable for our family. I don’t want my own son to bring disgrace to the family. I rather disown you, than approve this behavior."

She stormed out of my room, nailing her last words into my mind. I sat dumbstruck. Tears began to fall down my face. I broke down at the thought of how I could neither be truthful to my mom, nor to Pia. I felt I had betrayed the love of two women I love the most, in my life.

My phone rang. It was Pia. I turned off my mobile and the lights of my room. I did not want to cry to her. I did not even tell her that I loved her, before which, my mom had seen an end to it. I sobbed, burying my face inside the pillow. After few minutes, I heard someone tapping against the French windows of my room. I saw the silhouette of a tall, slender girl.

Pia.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked, letting her inside. Her sudden visit took me off guard.

She did not answer. Rather, she walked slowly across the room, making me follow her like a puppy.

"Rescuing my angel from misery", she said, stopping on her tracks.

Fresh tears with mixed emotions began streaking across my face. She hugged me, and stood holding me, asking nothing, while I wept like a child, into her arms.