Sweaters || Malum

Epilogue 3 - Luke

Song for the Chapter: The Man Who Sold the World by Nirvana

This is the final chapter. Thanks a lot for getting this book to 1K reads. <3 Enjoy xx ~

--

*Luke's Point of View*

Some times in life, you have to make your own choices. I had always depended on other people to make hard decisions for me so I didn't have to worry about it. I sat at home the next week after Calum's suicide, contemplating my next life step. I looked through my university applications and begin writing a new letter to change my major to the school I had already been accepted to. University of Sydney.

I wrote about Calum's death, the toll it had taken, my former semi-abusive boyfriend, the scars riddled on Calum's arms. I asked about my major being switched from Language to Psychology. In the past week I felt as if I needed to make something up to Calum, and I was going to do that by saving other people.

--17 Years Later--

The year was 2030. It was December. I take a glance at the photo at my desk, it was of Calum and I. It used to be the background on his phone, and I can still remember his smile. I sat in my office and I hear a knock on the door, looking up to see Caelen, a senior at the school. "Hey." I greet him.

"Can I talk to you?" He asks me politely, and I nod. I already knew I would have to call one of his parents. I specialized here at the school with self-harm and suicidal thoughts, hoping to make a difference. After my years of schooling I went back to the same high school; telling the administration about how I was friends with Calum Hood. They told me what I could do for the school.

"Of course, sit down." I smile and he closes the door, sitting down at the chair across from me. "What's wrong, Caelen?" I ask him, adjusting my sitting position.

He doesn't respond and I take into account his lack of eye contact and the toying with the ends of his sweatshirt sleeves. "Caelen, can you lift up your sleeves for me?" I ask him gently and he looks up me slightly terrified.

But then he reluctantly nods.

He lifts his sweatshirt sleeves up and I see horizontal lines lining both of his arms. He reminded me a lot of Calum if I was being completely honest. He had darker skin, warming brown eyes, and I smile with visible dimples. "I am going to need to call a parent. But how about you and I have a conversation about this first." I tell him.

He doesn't respond to me.

"Can you tell me why you do this?" I question as he pulls his sleeves back down to cover his mutilated skin. He shrugs, but I watch a tear fall from his eye. He takes a deep breath in, looking up. I see how his lip quivers and how upset he looked.

"I don't want to be here anymore." He tells me, trying to hold back a sob.

"Do you want to kill yourself?" I ask Caelen, and he takes a moment but gives me a nod. I lean back, watching his body gestures.  "Caelen, do you have a specific plan?" I ask him and he gives me another nod. "And how will you?" 

"I have drugs at home." He whispers to me.

"Prescriptions?"

"Yes." He responds, looking up at me.

--

It was Thursday, December 5, 2030. Caelen had overdosed that same night I talked to him. I wasn't quite sure what happened, but I told his parents I think they needed to search his room and call a hospital. But nothing was done, and he was brought out the next morning in a body bag.

It had been a long time since I have gone to this cemetery, I had avoided it. I walk over to Calum and Michael's grave. Michael's final request for his death was to be buried next to Calum, and that's what he got. I went to his funeral fifteen years ago. I heard Ashton was murdered and buried here, too, but I never went to his funeral.

I fall to my knees in front of their two graves. 

I read Calum's grave over.

In loving memory of Calum Thomas Hood

January 25, 1995 to December 5, 2013

Beloved son, boyfriend, and friend. He was left out in the dark and no one was there to save him.

Rest in Peace.

"I don't know why you did this to yourself." I tell him. "You would be in your mid-thirties!" I exclaim, looking at his headstone. It doesn't matter who would argue with me about it, but I could still see drops of blood on the headstone. This is where Michael committed suicide, it was witnessed by a local police officer. He brought a gun to his head. I assume he couldn't live without Calum.

I then look to Michael's grave.

In loving memory of Michael Gordon Clifford

November 20, 1995 to December 5, 2015

Beloved son and friend. Star-crossed lover, in life and in death.

Rest in Peace.

"You both are idiots." I say to the pieces of stone. It didn't mean anything what I said. I was the only one out of my friends left. Ashton murdered, Calum dead, Michael dead. I let Calum down, and now I let Caelen down. I wanted to go to his house and personally apologize to them for not saving their son. I tried, I really did. But I can't save everybody. The world is full of people in pain and I can't save the world. 

I wish I could.

As the sun went down, my warm breath mixed with the cold air to create a fog. I took a higher road then the other people in my life, and I will take that with me.

I nod and reply, "It's also kind of sad. She's a lunatic."

I frown at the memory of the girl in Hot Topic when I was with Calum. He had pain and I wasn't witnessing it. I indirectly insulted him.

"I'm going to kill you both." I threaten, looking away from them. I had a smile on my face and I didn't want to admit I was flattered by them approving of Ashton and I.

"See you in hell, then." Calum responds.

I smile at the distant memory. I place my head on the gravestone, wishing for me to go back to the time when there wasn't anything to worry about and I still had people in my life. But I was lonely. I had a wife and two kids, but it didn't seem like enough.

Michael looked at Calum shocked, and I see Calum give Michael a sarcastic smile. "You love me." Calum says to Michael.

"Y-You wish." Michael teases Calum back.

"Oh, get rejected!" I call, and everyone laughs with me.

"He did love you." I whisper to Michael. 

Calum sobs again because of those boys. "Fuck off, motherfucker." I sneer angrily.

"You going to make me?" He threatens.

I stay quiet, laughing at the two of us as he continues his walk. I hated seeing Calum like how he was, and I wish I could do something about it. But I don't say anything to him about it.

"I don't think I was a good friend." I laugh to Calum, knowing well there was nothing left of him but bone.

"I don't know who he is but if I did I would kick his ass." I tell Calum with a sigh, glaring at the Twitter home page that was on Calum's computer.

I want to scream at Calum, I wanted him to know what he did to me. This is the first time I ever cried about his death, because it never really registered. Now, seventeen years later, I can finally understand. 

"Trust me Luke. Yeah I am sometimes sad. I wear this because I am cold, yes, but I am self-conscious. You know?"

He thought I believed him that day. But the thought traveled in my mind, the tell tale signs of depression and self-harm was right in front of me and I never acted on them. "I miss you so fucking much." I say to Calum.

I shakily open my wallet, looking at the worn out picture of Calum. He wore a black sweater, his black backpack thrown around one shoulder. His eyes were squinted and he had a bright smile on his face. I run my finger down the plastic, wishing he was back.

I never knew what I had until he was forcefully pried away from me.