Next Lifetime

Chapter 2

I woke up the next morning feeling the sun peeping in through my window. I got out the bed to see the spot next to me empty and trudged down the stairs. I walked into the kitchen to see everyone around the table except for Amber.

"Where's Amber"

"She went on a date"

Michelle said excitedly. Feeling my heart pounding in anger I rearranged my face and got myself some pancakes and fell into the conversation with my family ignoring the powerful pang in my heart.

It was six in the evening and my friend Ryan talked me into going out. Claiming that I needed to get 'laid' we were in his SUV on our way to this huge party. I really didn't want to go but really I rather be at some party getting drunk than sitting at home thinking of Amber. Fuck, I wish I could erase these feelings so I can be the best friend that she deserves but I can't. I emailed Lindsay back telling her what I was doing and asked her about her day. Lindsay was an old child hood friend that moved away to Arizona when we were about 6 a year before I met Amber. We got reconnected through our moms and ever since then we've been talking. She tells me about her problems and I tell her about mine she was the only person that I told everything too that didn't make me seem like a wuss or some shit.

"Ayeeeeeee we here"!

Ryan says while parking the truck. We hopped out and walked up towards the small house people were everywhere girls were drunk and half naked party games were happening all through the living room. Ryan and I walked into the kitchen I took about 3 shots to start off with a buzz and after that we parted. I took two more trying to forget about her, her lips, her face, her smell just fucking everything! I was walking through the house feeling buzzed it felt as if my brain was in a cloud just the right fucking way I wanted to feel.

Ten shots later I had a girl twerking on me to Ryan laughing and dragging me out the party. I stumbled up the stairs and got to my room and saw Amber sitting on my bed with a small bottle of Amsterdam in her hands. Tears streaming down her beautiful face.

"Amber what's wrong"?

She sniffles and pulls her hair into a small high bun and looks at me sheepishly.

"I see you started off already I was hoping if we could drink our sorrows together"?

She says looking as if her whole world crashed down so I did what any drunk and great friend would do I joined her. By then she was spilling all her troubles to me about that asshole and we were passing the bottle back and forth talking and laughing until something happened. I looked deep into Amber's eyes and something in my mind and body was telling me that it was my chance, my chance to kiss her and I did and she kissed me back. Instead of drinking anymore we were both tumbling on the bed making out to the point where we were joined as one in losing our virginities. That was the best night of my life. Too bad Amber never saw it that way the next morning I woke up along with a note on the pillow beside me.

Dear Nick,

I'm sorry to leave but I still wanted to leave you a note saying I am okay so don't worry. Nick last night was something that I don't think either of us expected but I wanted to be sure to let you know that last night could never happen again. You are my best friend in the whole entire world and I want it to stay that way. I don't want things to change and to lose this friendship.

With love,

Am

Ever felt as if someone clawed your heart out and squeezed it so tight that you couldn't breathe? That's how I felt at that moment but I couldn't just let her block out that night. I needed her to know that I loved her, that I will always love her for everything she is whether she wanted me too or not. So I did just that I jogged over to her house and walked in with the use of the key under the mat. I knew her parents were gone for work so I wouldn't have to worry about small talk. I walked through the foyer and stepped in the kitchen and saw her sitting on the couch listening to music on her phone. I sat down on the couch next to her and watched as she slowly slipped the head phones out her ears. She's so beautiful. Her short hair is now in disarray around her head and her eyes, her beautiful brown eyes looked at me as if I was a different person. Not the boy she lost her virginity to but a boy who she didn't even know.

"Amber I have to tell you something and I need you to just listen and not say anything until I'm done okay"

"Okay Nick"

"Amber ever since the fifth grade I have been in love with you. I've always have and will be in love with you more than just a friend and last night was the best night of my life. I know you think that this would ruin our friendship but I will always be your best friend. But last night, showed that I can never stand beside you and watch you get married to someone else. I don't ever want to stand by your side I want to lay by your side and all of these years I have held in how I felt afraid that you would pull away. Amber I just needed you to know that I will always love you"

The look on her face showed that she was in distress. How could one night cause for me not to know my best friend anymore? The girl that I want to marry, have kids and grow old with one day? She scoots a little back and places her small hand on my knee. At that moment I had wished I never told her how I felt because maybe life wouldn't have changed as we knew it.

"Nick I . . . I wish I could put in words just how much you mean to me. Just know I don't regret it one bit of losing my virginity to you. I think it is best that we don't look into it. "

She says looking away from me with tears at the corner of her eyes.

"Nick you should love someone else."

Closing my eyes, I swallowed the lump in my throat and walked out the house and went home. All these years I always pictured the way I would tell Amber how much I loved her but I guess that's all it was a fantasy. I stayed in my room for days not telling anyone what was wrong with me I kept my phone on silent but still watched out for any texts from Amber. Everyone else text me but her she never tried to contact me and that shit hurt. It wasn't until I found out why when one day Michelle forced me to get up and shower and get dress. Michelle seemed quieter than usual as she drove.

"Michelle where are we going"

"To Amber's "

"Why"?

She never answered my question and just drove. A part of me wanted to see Amber but the other part of me just wanted to go home and sleep. Sleep all the pain away because when I'm sleep I can dream, dream of never telling Amber, dream of her actually loving me back. We pulled up to Amber's house and saw moving vans leaving her house.

"What the fuck is going on Michelle"?

The look on my sister's face as the tears ran down her cheeks only confirmed everything.

"She moved. She moved without telling me"

Michelle watches me as it dawned on me as I spoke to myself with so much pain.

"She just texted me today but by the time I got to call her she was gone I knew the only way to tell you was to show you I can't believe she didn't tell you"

I couldn't even focus on what she was saying because all I felt was anger. Anger towards the girl that was supposed to be my best friend anger towards the fact she never thought once of how I would feel if she moved. So I punched the dash board over, and over, and over until Michelle stopped me and hugged me till I broke down with angry tears. I guess I was wrong about us being best friends but holding on to hope I waited. . . for her to text or call me... a day turned into a week and a week turned into a year I tried contacting her but she never once answered back so I moved on. Moving on sounded impossible but then something happened Lindsay moved back out here so Amber became a girl I had to push in the back of my mind because she obviously pushed me in the back of hers and I disliked her for it or even hated her for it and because of that I moved on.