Next Lifetime

Chapter 8

Michelle says as I walked out the door. I walked to my room and went to sleep that night. With everything on my mind from our dead child, to Amber, and to this thing with Alex. I woke up the next morning and did my usual routine. I got dressed in the bathroom and walked out to see Amber typing on her phone. She looked up and looked back down at her phone as if I didn't exist.

"Amber wait"

She turns around placing her phone in her back pocket.

"Yes"

"Umm...do you have pictures of her?"

Her eyes watered as she nodded and motioned with her hand to follow her into our guestroom. She bent over causing for me to glance at her ass. I can't help it. She turned around with a big flat book with a picture of a baby with her eyes closed on the cover. I was frozen. She sat down on the bed patting the spot next to her on the bed. I sat down staring at her. Our daughter. Our beautiful daughter, who did have my nose and lips but everything else was Amber. I touched the picture and could feel a tear sliding down my face again.

Amber flipped the page and it was her holding the baby. Amber's eyes were dead as she held the baby and looked at the camera. She looked broken. She turned to the next one and it was her looking down at the baby with tears sliding down her cheeks.

"Do you know want to know what made the pain worse"?

She says as she takes two fingers and rubs it down our daughters face on the picture.

"To give birth to a baby and there are no cries. Deep down you hope that the doctor is wrong and that the life that grew inside of you would come out alive. The room was so silent, only thing heard was my sobbing as they had me push and push. I dreamt of that moment. The moment I would hold her then call you to tell you the news. I dreamt of that moment to kiss on her warm cheeks as she screams her little lungs out. I had to kiss a cold cheek. I kept screaming for her to wake up. I came into the hospital with a baby inside of me only to leave without my daughter. I had to hear the screams of other babies and see fathers and mothers happily leaving with their child."

More tears slid down her face as she stared at the picture. I grabbed her in crying with her.

"I wish I was there with you. It wouldn't have matter to me if you were having a tough pregnancy, my crazy ass family and I would have been there. I wish I could've been there with you in the silent room so you wouldn't have been so alone. I wish you had faith in me that I would've have been there for you."

I said to her as she looked up towards me after we pulled apart. I took my hands taking her straight hair and putting it behind her ear. She leaned into my hand causing for my heart to pound so hard in my chest.

"I should have told you. I didn't want you to feel that pain Nick, I wouldn't wish that type of pain on my worst enemy"

She says as she turns the book over causing for a piece of paper to fall out of it. I leant over to pick it up and open it only to see a poem written in black ink.

Still born

Still born is when you grow a bond with the life inside of you

You go through the mood swings

The throwing up

The crazy cravings

To feeling their first kick

To going to the doctor and finding out

You are having a baby girl

To rubbing your tummy at night singing to her