Just being misunderstood (Izaya x OC)}DuRaRaRa!! fanfiction

Second - Darkness

27th of November [28 days before he disappeared]

We sat together in the café which we visited almost every time after the lessons ended. The television was turned on and there was currently a channel with news showing up at the moment.

"The police was able to identify the corpses. Apparently both met before in an online suicide forum to meet up and commit suicide together."

Yeah. That's right. Around the area of Tokyo a lot of suicides were happening. Almost every day a new death was reported. Not only that, but apparently a serial killer was having fun in the area of Tokyo, killing about 9 people up until now. Yet the police wasn't able to identify who this killer was because of the lack of evidence the killer left behind and because the victims had nothing in common ehich lets the police say that everyone could happen to be a victim of his.

I glanced at my professor. He calmly was stirring the spoon around in his cup. "Professor..." He looked up at me. "What do you think about people killing themselves? Slitting open their wrists...? Jumping off from tall buildings...?"

Why was I even asking that? I did not know myself. Was is because of the big amount of people killing themselves, because they had a mental disorder just like the professor himself? Or was it because I simply wanted to know how the professor thought about people commiting suicides? I did not know what I must have thought asking him that, myself.

But as he heard that question he laughed. Again the question, of why he did so, popped up in my head.
Yet he started talking.

"People are not leaves... Or rain... Or snow... They don't look beautiful when they fall..."

After saying that, he took a gulp out of his cup. His answer surprised me. But then again, when did the professor ever fail to surprise me?

It probably was at that moment I realized how much of a bore my life would be, if I wouldn't have a person like him around to keep me in good company.

But little did I know. The uncomfortable glance, the professor gave me every now and then should have raised a red flag. Yet it didn't. I didn't even consider it once.

"But of course if you were to ask me maybe after some time passed... If you were ask me about suicide victims... About how people find different ways how to kill themselves... What I thought about each single stragety to end your life... What would be my most preferred way of leaving life behind... I am very certain I would say that... I wouldn't want to die just like that. I would say that..."

His eyes looked deeply into mine. As if to find the last bit of pity inside of me which would reach out for him to save him. Which would constantly be in worry about him. Which would tell him that everything will be okay in the future as long as he keeps carrying on.

"... I... Want to die in a cool way..."

But no matter how deep he would look me in the eyes. He would never be able to find what he was looking for.

27th of January [1 month and 2 days after he disappeared]

"I really believe that all of us have a lot of darkness in our souls. Anger, rage, fear, sadness... I don't think that's only reserved for people who have horrible upbringings. I think it really exists in everyone and is part in the human condition. But I also think that in the course of your life you will figure out how to deal with it."

That was the last thing the professor said to me. The last thing I could remember about him after he disappeared.

He never ever came to university after he disappeared. With other substitute professors, claiming that he simply was absent because of personal reasons it left me doubting wether something has happened to him or he truly has a reason to no longer go to work and also no longer to see me.