Beautiful Tragedy

His Hands Know.

Sitting in my room with Ricky and Braden and Reed drinking the mini bottles from the pinata while after all my aunts, uncles and cousins left, my dad and mom went to bed, it was just us four now.

Chugging another bottle down I toss it into the trash can but it bounces out and onto the floor, "Hmm," I hum thinking to myself. "That was almost badass." I start to laugh at how much of a loser I am wanting to cry but then remember Braden was sitting next to me

Never mind.

Straightening my back up, and pulling my legs to myself I get the urge to want to dance. With no music on I jump up wobbly but manage to stay upright and walk to my docking station and turn on my iPod, going to my favorites I play Adele's song 'Hello'.

"Oh god, Lila, stop. Turn it off." Ricky groaned, "No!" I pout as she begins to sing, singing along with her, my heart flutters with so many emotions.

Letting everything I had in me out, I felt a littler better.

"They say that time's supposed to heal ya, But I ain't done much healing, Hello, can you hear me?, I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be, When we were younger and free, I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet, There's such a difference between us, And a million miles."

Feeling my heart break from just a year ago with Josh, and how long we were together, all the memories rushing back. I gasp as I sing the rest of the song with tears running down my cheeks.

"Hello from the other side (other side),  I must've called a thousand times (thousand times), To tell you I'm sorry, For everything that I've done, But when I call you never, Seem to be home, Hello from the outside (outside), At least I can say that I've tried (I've tried), To tell you I'm sorry, For breaking your heart, But it don't matter, it clearly, Doesn't tear you apart anymore."

As the song finished, I was on the floor in a ball crying my eyes out, shaking. "Why would he just fucking do that Ricky? Leave like I meant nothing to him, like everything we had meant nothing. I know I said some fucked up shit but he never talked about it. If, if he would've just talked," pausing as I let out a cry.

"If he would've just listened to my apologizes about everything and would've just forgot about it like I did with the things he said we could've worked out, we could've still been together, even now." and then saying that made me look at Braden.

He was looking at me, his mouth open a little, shock written all over his face. "Because he's a douchebag and never loved you and ran away like the little bitch he is. He got scared." Ricky says as she opens another bottle, "Here chug this, it'll make you feel better.

And I did, I chugged the little bottle like my life depended on it and then I was done crying; instead I was scrunching my face up at the bitterness of the drink and then finally opened my eyes and saw Ricky and Braden smiling like idiots at me.

"Okay lets just dance and have fun now." I say, looking at the clock it read 1:47 am and the next thing I knew Braden was standing and laughing, wiggling his body to the beat and Ricky was laughing drinking her bottles and I felt good again.

Braden grabbed my waist and pulled me close to him as Ruby Boys by Rihanna came on, "Come here rude boy, boy, can you get it up?" I slur as he twirls me around, "Yes I can," he whispers in my ear as he slings me back into his arms, his voice husky.

My vision going blurry with the breathless dancing and then the twirling I couldn't even remember why I was crying just minutes ago or why I feel so happy and so alive.

~

It had felt like just a minute ago we were all dancing and laughing and drinking, when I blinked and Ricky's crashed out in the hall sleeping next to Reed, Braden and I were in my bed listening to music softly, our breaths hardly audible but my heart was racing and pounding in my ears.