Loner

Nightmares

"So what do you think of me?"

She still loved me?

She couldn't. She never loved me. She never did.

I had to act like I didn't care. Like I wasn't hurting.

"Well," I said, "I don't."

My voice cracked, sweat rolled down my forehead, and my heart broke into a million pieces.

She fell, the impact mostly on her head. But she didn't scream any cries of pain. Instead she looked at peace. I knelt down to her. Her eyes fluttering. She smiled at me. I started getting worried. So I kissed her. I kissed her with all the strength I had left. She slowly moved her hand to the back of my head and grabbed tufts of my hair. I smiled against our kiss.

I pulled back. "I love you, I never stopped. I just thought you didn't love me." I confessed.

She smiled at me.

"How could I not love you?" She whispered. "I'll always love you no matter what." She brought her hand up to my cheek. God, I loved her. Her hand soon fell back down to herself.

She loved me?

Her eyes closed slowly, and I held her in my arms. It took a lot of self control to not get extremely exited. I smiled at her peaceful sleeping, but the smile almost disappeared as quickly as it came.

I couldn't hear her gentle breathing like I always did. I brought my ear to her heart, but the only response was silence.

She couldn't be dead from a little fall.

Panic started spreading through me. I took out my cell phone to call an ambulance.

The way to the hospital was a bumpy ride.

I had wanted to stay every second with her, but the Docs made me sit in the waiting room. The last thing I saw was the Doctors take her away on a hospital bed.

After I'd been waiting about a week in the hospital, sleep just about to take over me, I heard a door open. I just wanted to know that she was safe, alive.

My head shot up, and I saw the Doc walk towards me with a sad knowing look on his face. No, it can't be. Please let her live. I love her. Please. The Doc stopped in front of me. He said the words I didn't want to hear.

"I'm sorry for your loss" I nodded slowly, taking it all in. I nearly collapsed on the bench. My head fell in my hands reflexively, and the tears came one after the other.

Just know one thing, okay sweetheart?

I love you.

I will always love you no matter what.

****************

I sat up instantly, breathing heavily. That's the 387th day in a row. I ran my hands through my hair. I felt something wet on my arm. I looked down to see a tear had fallen, I didn't even realize I had been crying. I looked over at my alarm clock, it was only 6:46 AM. I pulled the covers off and stood up from my bed. I had to keep my act together. So far, it had been going well. I started walking over to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. My chocolate brown hair was a mess, my green eyes were red from the tears, and I just looked like crap. I turned to take a cold shower.

I was on my way to Courtland High when I saw the park. I saw your favorite place. Our favorite place.

We used to come here all the time. I would push you on the swings, and we'd climb the rocks. We would eat ice cream while running around. We were both childish in our personalities. Were.

A car behind me honked at me, shaking me out of my thoughts. Yeah, yeah, I need to stop getting distracted if I'm going to keep up my act. I mean, it was pretty easy. Just be normal, plus, I didn't have any friends.

Once I arrived at school I causally walked over to my locker. I moved again. I heard the whispers about me. The "new" kid. Maybe it was a mistake to return to my home town. Just maybe.

I should've moved even farther away. Probably.

I looked around trying to find someone in particular. Hmm, ah, there they are. They never left each other. They were standing in an almost triangle, leaving a spot for where I once used to stand with them. They were laughing and talking about the nonsense crap we always talked about. Now that, I envied.

If I just walked by them and act as if I never knew them, that would keep up with my act, and they would keep their reputation. I sighed loudly. Maybe I should've held that in because that made them turn their heads at the familiar sound.

I looked away and walked down the hall as quickly as I could. I risked looking back once I had gone far enough. I saw the confusion on both of their faces.

Sorry old best friends. Not today. Maybe I'll say hi again another time. Like never. But then again, didn't they leave me too?