Verge of Insanity

Chapter Eleven

Mara Leigh

The next morning I woke up groggy. I slid out of bed, careful not to wake Beau and walked out on the balcony. Glancing back through the glass I looked at him as he slept. 

Ella would kill me for this if she knew. And quite frankly I wanted her to know. 

The memory of her sitting by Blythe's side at Xander's dining table made me think twice about that. Although she'd seemed scared of Xander, I had no doubt that she could possibly kill me. Especially for this. But then again I knew Xander would beat her to it. 

No matter how hard I wanted to shake it off, I still was plagued by the desire to call and apologize to Xander. I could still hear his voicemails pleading with me. Part of me felt guilty for thinking about Xander like this when I had Beau. 

Beau was an amazing person, and he didn't deserve me messing us up after all he'd done for me. He'd spent the past few days on a cross country road trip with me. He wasn't getting mad at my not being able to explain everything. He was amazing. And I owed him so much.

"Whatcha doing out here?" his voice came from the door. I hadn't even heard it slide open. 

"Thinking about Ella," I told the half-truth.

"What about her?" He came to stand next to me.

"How she'd kill me if she saw where we are."

"Why?"

I sighed. "You know."

He honestly looked confused.

"She has the biggest crush on you," I said, rolling my eyes. I didn't know how he couldn't see that.

"I always thought she was kinda rude," he muttered. 

I laughed without mirth, earning a look from him. 

"What?" I asked. "You've never see how she looks at me or what she does to me?"

He shook his head, so I continued.

"Well she's always doing things to me. Like that day I got called to guidance for a suicidal letter. I ran into her in the hallway, she ripped my bag, and she picked up the note and took it to guidance. She knew it had been my homework."

Beau's face fell the tiniest bit, so I kept going. This was stuff I wanted him to know.

"The other day at lunch she poured milk all over me just because I got too close to you."

I saw his jaw clench, and I carried on. 

"The reason we got suspended was because she got so mad that she cut some of my hair off. Which was again because I got too close to you."

He shook his head in silence. After several moments he spoke, trying to ease the tension.

"Well, I guess it's a good thing she doesn't know we're engaged," he joked.

I tried to smile back but failed miserably, thinking of Xander.

Beau picked then to rush me to get dressed so that he could go find himself some clothes. In his defense, the ones he had on had started to smell a tad bit. 

In thirty minutes he had me walking around the nearest mall he could find. The guy shopped more than I did. It lightened my mood to hear uncertainty in his voice as he asked me what I thought about everything he tried on. Like a broken record, he kept making the same excuses to defend his shopping. I just laughed at him, fully enjoying spending carefree time with him.  

He suddenly turned around and walked to another section, and I stopped myself before I followed him. No way was I helping him pick out underwear.

My feet were killing me by the time he finally made his last payment. As soon as we got back to the hotel I kicked off my shoes and lay down on the couch. I listened as he shuffled through the room, putting up his purchases.