The Rogue Guardian

Chapter 29: Family Matters

Okay I know it's late and short. I've had major issues, I'm working on them, and I'm trying to get over my writers block from now on by speeding up the plot. So that will be good for you guys. Starting next chapter. Because I'm tired.

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"Was it... bad? When I was gone?" I didn't know how to phrase what I really wanted to ask the right way. I didn't want it to sound like I thought my being gone had ruined everything for my family, but I kind of wondered if it had. Maybe some part of me left over from far too long ago hoped it had. My first year at the castle at been miserable, and I couldn't the hours I spent keeping watch for someone to come and bring me home. I'd wished so hard for someone to come. Of course then I didn't understand that there was nothing they could do.

But ten years... well, it was long enough to change everything. I didn't know how I thought of my family anymore. Home was a small room near the top of an old castle tower, and a gray stone townhouse in the middle distract had faded into a strangely weightless memory. Family was... Jaden.

I rolled my shoulders back, feeling self-conscious. This wasn't the time to be sentimental. There was never a time, really. How long would I put off what I'd come here for? Every other moment something reminded me what I was supposed to be doing.

Kay considered his answer for a long time. "Of course it was bad. But things were complicated. Mom was having Kemp and Dad was out of his mind. Every other day he had a crazy new plan to take you back and each time he had a meltdown over it. We were afraid, mostly. Mom was scared of what they'd do to you and Dad was afraid of-- uh, everything really. Maybe that he wouldn't be able to protect Kemp, not that anyone was coming after him."

"But you were okay?"

"For a while."

I sank back against the wall, my heart sinking. I didn't want to know this. "Aiden said they got sent away."

"Aiden Amathos is a liar," Kay said quietly. "I wouldn't trust him with a sentence more than three words long."

I raised an eyebrow. "But he's leader of the capital Phoenix?"

"Yeah," he said with a shrug. "Ysmay trusts him with more than I do, God knows why. Anyway, that was a half lie on his part. They were certainly going to be sent away, but in the end we left on our own terms."

"You need to go over this in order," I told him as people passed between us. We were still sitting in the hall, leaning on the cool tunnel walls as we sat. The murmur of Ysmay and other higher-ups arguing loudly filtered through the meeting room walls against my head. Kay had wanted to stay close-- if the Phoenix really was going to meet with the High Circle, we'd know soon.

"There's not much to go in order of. I told you, it was chaos at first. It took Dad months to pull himself together, and then he wouldn't do anything until Kemp was born. We were worried about Mom and the stress she put herself under. Eventually-- I was really too young to know-- they started trying to make deals. To make an exception for you, to bring you home. Didn't work, clearly. I think we only made things worse."

"I don't remember it being worse at any point. Tobias was always just a pain in the ass."

He snorted. "Tobias? The Sage? That he definitely was. He sent a whole lot of angry letters telling us to cut it out or he'd take you farther away. Mom wanted to call his bluff but we couldn't risk it. Dad still hoped they'd eventually realize we were too important to anger." He leaned his head back against the wall, looking up at the ceiling. "That was stupid, of course. We were never too important."

"But he didn't move me, he tried to move you." My anger with Tobias was rising, but I swear it had been rising with everyday since he told me I couldn't train anymore. It made no difference, I just hated him.

"Not yet. Not until Mom decided we had to go to the rebels."

Oh God. How far back did this go? I thought discovering the rebels myself had started this mess, but more and more often it looked like that was all I'd done-- discover it. People got me involved in this mess long before I put myself here. My parents had gone to the rebels, the rebels had a prophecy that they wanted me to help them with, and Aiden hated Tobias and Tobias hated Jaden and everyone was connected in ways I didn't understand.

Jaden. Maybe he had gotten me involved in this too, somehow. There was a reason Tobias and Aiden, on opposite sides, both managed to feel the same way about him. Jaden said Tobias suspected he knew secrets he shouldn't, secrets that could put him or me in danger. Secrets he'd never share. Secrets he may never get to.

Another reminder that I understood nothing. But if I ever saw Jaden again, I'd figure everything out.

"So you went to the rebels," I sighed, "And everything went to hell."

"That's accurate, yeah."

He cracked a grin and I found myself laughing. "We all have the same story on different levels, don't we?"

"Funny how that happens. Well, Mom knew Ysmay, and I don't know what she promised, but they made a deal. It didn't get farther than shaking hands, though. Somehow, the royal spies found out. Consorting with rebels is enough to give the crown the power to do almost anything to you. So instead of helping you, Ysmay helped us. We've been under the Phoenix's protection for years."

I frowned, piecing through the information. "The royal spies?"

"A nuisance. They're always trying to plant double agents. Although they've changed recently. We're not sure why, but they're operating differently."

I wondered if that was important. "Kay?"

"Yeah?"

I paused, fumbling for words again. "It's been a while since I've had a normal family. I don't know how this works anymore."

"I'm not sure we know how it works anymore either. But I figure you've had ten years to learn how to make your own family, yeah?"

"Yeah." I'd made my family in the castle, made myself blood from water, as Nemia had commented once.

"The Phoenix is an army, but we're a family inside it," he said simply. "You can be home here too, if you want."

I didn't know if I wanted that. I didn't know if it was worth getting attached. I wasn't committed to the Phoenix, I was here for Jaden. But maybe I hadn't been given a choice.