The Rogue Guardian

Chapter 35: The Grief of Leaving

I'm sorry this chapter is so late, but it's also twice the length of a normal chapter! So I'll leave you to the emotional torment-- I mean, reading. Nice, fluffy, fun reading.

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I'd assumed Wes would cool off and come back, but as time trickled by and we stayed talking and joking and occasionally drifting into silence around the table I realized he didn't have any intention of returning that night.

"What did I say?" I wondered aloud.

"Asked him about the capital," Lucien answered sleepily.

I made a face. "I got that. Are we not supposed to?"

"I don't know," said Evvie. "He'll talk about it plenty himself, about fighting at the match house and stuff. But if someone else tries to ask about something specific, he tends to shut down. And we never ask what made him leave."

"Maybe someone should."

"No, I think that's exactly the opposite of what someone should do."

"Too late," I said, standing up. "Someone is."

"You don't know where he went."

I was already heading up the stairs. "Bet I do." I didn't know that much about Wes specifically, but I knew Jaden had been his teacher and that, it turns out, was enough to make an educated guess on where he'd gone. Mostly because it was where I would have chosen-- the roof.

Heaving myself over the edge of the shingles and onto the slope of the roof, I found Wes sitting with his legs dangling off the opposite side. He didn't look up as I sat next to him. "Are you angry with me?"

"Nah."

"Good. I don't know why you would be. And no one else can tell me why you would be, either."

He huffed. "Yeah, well, I don't talk about why I left the capital, and I don't like people asking."

"Why? What happened?"

"Yeah, that's a great example of what I don't like."

"That's going to make this conversation hard."

"So do yourself a favor and leave it."

"See, that's not going to work." I crossed my legs and leaned forward, chin resting on one palm. "Because I already have part of the story and I'm not going to be able to 'leave it' until I have it all. Jaden missed you. I don't know if you care, because I don't know what happened when you guys fought, but he was really hurt."

"Oh, was he? He was hurt? Shocked? Maybe even felt like running away a little bit?"

I tilted my head to the side so I could look at him. He kept his eyes locked on the roofs that cut the dark sky into a jagged patchwork of blacks and blues around us. "So you're angry at him."

He didn't move, or at least he didn't move much, but I looked from his face down to the hand that rested on his knee. It was trembling, and even after he curled his fingers into a fist I could sense how tightly coiled he was.

"I can't imagine," I said once it was clear he wasn't talking, "That you don't want to tell anyone. Maybe you don't want to tell Lucien and Liz and others. But I'm running from something too. I came from the capital. I knew Jaden. If you want someone who will understand, I think we understand each other pretty well."

"It's different. You told me you came to the capital to find who took Jaden, or killed him. I came to lose him."

"Why?" Jaden had been my anchor. Even when I wasn't sure if I belonged in the castle I knew I belonged near him. These past days without him around had sent me spinning, and I couldn't imagine giving up the solidity he had given me on purpose. Maybe that was what I was really looking for by reaching out to Wes. He had known Jaden the way I had. Maybe having a friendship that felt more substantial, that had a little bit of Jaden in it, would make Maenar a little easier to handle.