The Broken Princess Journals : Sally

6. Shattered

03/11/06

"Yet nothing can to nothing fall,
Nor any place be empty quite;
Therefore I think my breast hath all
Those pieces still, though they be not unite;
And now, as broken glasses show
A hundred lesser faces, so
My rags of heart can like, wish, and adore,
But after one such love, can love no more."

- John Donne

I blank out as I stare at the pink and white wall in front of me. No idea how I've found myself stuck here in this weird girls bedroom. Trina is nice enough but there is just something really strange about her, a bit off. She's gorgeous with her caramel skin and the body of a model and her husky voice. I bet she had guys falling all over themselves for her. What I found weird was how she insisted on being my friend.

We'd met maybe two weeks ago through Rita on one of the days I'd been over to rehearse with the girls. Apparently she lives I the same building and she had seen me there a few times.

"I don't have a lot of friends my age and I'd really like for us to hang out," she'd said

I didn't think that was really the kind of proposal you said no to, so I hung out with her even though gave me this really uneasy feeling.

"What do you think of this outfit?" Trina asks jolting me out of my reverie to show me an extra short skirt she'd just bought two days ago.

"Umm it's cute. Kinda short?" I say unsure of exactly what sort of response she's looking for.

She giggles conspiratorially, " I know right! But my boyfriend likes it so..."

"Hmm," I respond not really interested in the direction this girl talk is taking.

She looks at me as though expecting a more serious reaction from me.

"Hey you know my boyfriend don't you?" she asks smiling brightly.

"Umm I don't know? Should I?" I ask in confusion.

"Sure I've seen you talk to him sometimes. Rian Morgan," she says with a satisfied smirk.

I school my face into a non-expressive mask and respond like the girl in front of me had not just shattered my world with that one name.

"Yeah I know Rian. Nice guy. So How long have you been dating?" I ask casually willing my voice not to break.

"Oh not too long maybe two months," she says. And then it all comes gushing out. I sit there as this girl goes on and on about how great her boyfriend, no my boyfriend is.

By now I'm completely numb and go through the motions of a polite conversation until I find an opening and excuse myself with some lame excuse or other. I go straight to Rita's apartment. And find her lounging on the sofa watching TV.

"Hey thought you were at Trina's. Whoa what's up you don't look so good," Rita says in concern.

"Mouse, did you know that Trina is dating Rian?" I ask as calmly as possible.

Rita laughs "Don't be silly Sal, he's dating you," she says.

"Apparently he's dating Trina," I say.

"Hey they talk sure but where did you here they were dating?" says Rita.

"She told me herself Mouse, in full unnecessary detail."

"Oh," Mouse says her face falling.

I turn to leave with my hand on the doorknob.

"Sal wait," Rita says her hand on my shoulder. " Don't do anything rash sis," she pleads.

I shrug her hand off of my shoulder and walk out the door straight downstairs to the Morgan's house. I know that everyone else is out and Rian is probably home on his own by now. Sure enough he answers the door after two knocks and his face lights up when he sees me. I can literally feel my heart break into even more pieces looking up at that face that I love so much. Rian takes one look at my face and his smiling face is replaced with worry.

"Babe, what's wrong? You okay?" he asks all loving concern.

"How could you?" I manage to say softly.

"How could I what? What's happened?" he asks in alarm.

"Trina," I only manage the one word.

If I had any doubts before, they are all put to rest as I look into the eyes of the man I love and he can't look back at me.

"You can't even deny it," I say all feeling drained from my voice.

"Baby come inside, I can explain," he says his eyes pleading.

And in that moment I can't take anymore. I push his hand away and muster up what strength that I can.

"No," I say firmly, and then "Goodbye Rian," before walking away.

........................................................................................

I don't know how I've made it home but somehow I have. I made it all the way home without saying anything to anyone. There was no one to speak Mom and Dad aren't home from the office yet. I've been crying for ages. I can't think, I can't hardly breathe. But I really should get up, wash my face and get dinner ready so that mom and dad can have a meal ready when they get here.

It's ok. It will be okay. I'll be fine. I lie to myself blatantly trying hard to ignore the shattered pieces of my heart spread through my soul. I didn't want to think of what this all meant. I didn't want to dwell on the information I had just gathered. Maybe if I put it off till tomorrow I'll wake up and it won't be true.

"What am I still here for,
Could it be that I'm just waiting
Hoping you'd rescue me,
And put the pieces together again"

Shattered - Backstreet boys