Stepbrother

.xx

Leland
*february 2011

Since the campus tour and after summing it up that I'd imagined telling Odell I loved him, I had the same schedule everyday. I come home, check the mail for any acceptance letters, go upstairs and study for my classes, come downstairs and eat with the family, then go back to my room and pull out Odell's unopened note. Every time I'd psych myself up to read it then punk out just before I opened it. Tonight, I was determined to stop putting it off and read it.

As I read, my eyes widened and I refused to blink, thinking if I did, what I was reading would disappear and in it's place another assortment of words to take it's place. I covered my mouth, pinching myself, making sure this wasn't a dream. Nothing changed, the same words continued to jump out at me. I have feelings for you. I want you in my circle. Forgive me. Everything slammed me at once and I felt bad for how I'd treated him and not letting him talk and hear him out.

Signing day was coming up tomorrow and I know he was excited about his choice, I'd overheard him and Senior talking and he was so proud to see his son follow his footsteps. I was actually excited for him and if things worked out we'd both be living our dream, attending Louisiana State.

I slowly got out of bed, I could hear Odell on the phone with Jarvis so I knocked softly. "Yeah?" His baritone voice called slowly. I peeked inside and his face went white. "Yo Juice, let me call you back."

"You said when I was ready to talk, you'd be here." His expression dropped a little, which made me feel kind of confused. Was he upset I'd read the note? We're his feelings gone?

"Yeah, are we alone?" He looked behind me as he pulled his computer chair out to sit down.

"I think so. I know my mom had a late shift at the hospital and Senior said he needed to go to the dealership and help with inventory or something?" He nodded slowly and pointed me to sit on his bed.

"So you read the note, huh?" He held his head in his hands and looked at me. I could tell everything was confusing for him too and just like I had been suppressing my feelings, he had been too and talking about this was like ripping a bandaid off a fresh wound.

"I did. First I wanna say I'm sorry for not letting you talk to me, really that was childish of me."

"But I deserved it honestly, you'd given me plenty chances before and I always managed to use your kindness for weakness. I ain't shit." We both laughed a little to ourselves.

"You said it, not me." For a few minutes we sat in silence, me looking over my hands, him staring down at his feet. "About you having feelings for me, why didn't you say something before?"

"Really Lee," he looked and me, his lips pursed crookedly on his face, "after all the shit we been through and now us being legally related, you thought I was just gonna flat out admit I liked you? You know it's not that simple." I nodded in agreement. "And secondly, why you ain't say shit. You liked me too, you told me you loved me last month!" He pointed his hand toward me.

My eyes shot open, so I didn't imagine that. "Why'd you lie to me? I asked you if I'd said something but you kept playing it off! You had me thinking I was imagining that!" A part of me was mad he lied, another part relieved that I wasn't going crazy, and the rest of me terrified because now I knew we were both in the same page.

"Lee why you acting like this is like some walk in the park, you were drunk, you weren't talking to me, I thought you hated me and that was confusing for me." His voice jumped in frustration. "Sorry, this is all nerve wrecking. I'm in love with my damn stepsister and she likes me too. It's all a fucking mess."

"Well you said you don't want it to go anywhere."

"Yeah that was two months ago when I wrote that. I actually thought you threw that shit away after I gave it to you as long as you took to read that shit, so hearing you say you loved me made shit different. I been thinking about what the fuck could have been had I not been a jackass." He looked at me, his eyes tired and low.

"I-I don't think I can do that though. I mean if things were different then maybe but this is just too weird."

"Exactly, so now you know why I haven't said anything." The front door opened downstairs as my mom walked inside, tossing her keys somewhere on the kitchen counter. "All I really want to know is if we're cool though Lee. That's the most important thing to me right now. We can figure all this other shit out later." He stood up and stood by his bedroom door, cuing me to stand up as well.

"Yeah, we cool Hoedell." I smiled and wrapped him in a hug, one he returned. Pulling me as close to him as possible. "Talk about this later, square everything away?"

"Yeah. I need to get some rest. Big day tomorrow." He gave a smile and held my waist loosely as he leaned against his doorframe.

"Good luck tomorrow, I'm sure you made the right choice and I know you made your parents proud."