Federal Affair

Chapter 13

"You fucked this guy while you're engaged to Derek. Derek fucked Christine and who knows who else while he's engaged to you..." Monica's eyes widened as she put the pieces together. "Holy fucking shit, Carrie!"

I nodded, feeling so shameful. "I don't know what to do, Monica. The whole thing is one big-ass migraine."

"I can kind of understand being pissed over catching Derek and letting the alcohol take over, but I don't understand Derek going through women like they're potato chips," she scoffed. "Who does he think he is, treating my best friend like that? What the fuck?"

We'd been inhaling giant spoonfuls of ice cream and talking about the sexual soap opera that is my life for a half hour and I was on the verge of either crying, vomiting, or both. I couldn't decide. Explaining the situation to Monica felt like reliving the night I'd cheated. I couldn't believe she wasn't scolding me and lecturing me about how I should kick Nick to the curb and try to mend things with Derek. No doubt, that's all anyone else would say. Monica seemed to understand how I was feeling though. The fact that she wasn't unloading on me with disapproval made me feel slightly less guilty for sleeping with Nick.

I knew I should've marched over to Derek when I saw him with Christine. I should've given him a gigantic piece of my mind. I should've been responsible and taken the high road. But I'd run off with Nick Granger instead. What did that say about me?

Monica was ranting about her newly-developed hatred for my fiancé but I wasn't listening. I'd tuned out, staring down at my left hand where the stunning silver band and sparkling four carat diamond sat on display. Seeing it made me feel worse. The ring brought a wave of happy memories with Derek to mind, but then quickly crushed them all with misery and regret. I began to wonder if Derek had been cheating on me before he proposed. I wanted to know just how long his infidelity had been going on. Had I just been deceived into thinking he loved me? Or had I done something to make him seek another woman's bed?

Nausea set in. I slid the ring off my finger, placing it on the coffee table. I stared at my bare hand, holding it out in front of me while Monica continued her rant. I still wasn't paying attention. I didn't want to admit it – not even to myself – but I felt a sense of relief without that flashy diamond decorating my ring finger. Maybe it just isn't meant to be, I thought. It sickened me that that was even crossing my mind.

"Oh my fuck!" Monica's shrill exclamation made me jump.

Startled, I looked at her like she had three heads. "Jesus, Monica. What?"

"Is this him?" she asked excitedly.

She shoved her phone into my hands and I recognized a photo of Nick. She'd looked him up on the firm's website.

"Yeah," I nodded. "That's him."

I could feel my hormones waking up at the sight of the man I'd been selfishly lusting over in a crisp white button-up. He looked sinfully delicious.

Monica grabbed her phone back and examined the picture with squinted eyes that quickly widened the longer she looked at the screen. "He's a god," she proclaimed, shaking her head as if to agree with herself. "Remind me why you're still with Cheating Cheaterson?"

I rolled my eyes. "Because I love him," I told her. But I wondered if I was just lying to myself by this point.

She looked at me skeptically. "Do you really?"

Her demeanor had calmed and her voice was soft and caring. I knew she was concerned, and I wanted to talk to her about the situation in more depth, but I was swimming in confusion and I didn't know what to say or how to feel.