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Change||14

It

Was

That

Bad

I had an amazing time filming the movie, all of the memories with the cast, the week we spent in Vancouver- but now it was all over. For now anyway.

Post production would mean six months from now when the movie is a go to be shown to the rest of the world and that's well into next year but I'll keep in contact with them. They're all extremely friendly and warm, a small less annoying family.

But I was back in my own bed in Miami, alone.

"I got some pancakes for you-"

"Thanks"

With Brayden actually.

From the time that Cheryl came home with me until yesterday, it has been severely rough. I am trying my hardest to show her that I'm not going anywhere and she sees it but her saying that we changed has derailed that train.

I know that I've grown. I can't stay the mischievous, ambitious, inconsiderate seventeen year old from that period of time. I've only been replaced with the tired, concerned and mildly sarcastic twenty two year old who will be twenty three in two weeks.

And while that may be better, it doesn't fit the script for this story. Cheryl is definitely different as well.

She's worried all of the time. About everything. Everything. And to be fair, I do not blame her, but it's the lack of trust that's emitting from the words she says to me that make me concerned for how long this will be going on.

So far, I would say I know her triggers. I refrain from talking about leaving. Even if it's the two of us. Anything from going on a trip or the week I had to fly to Vancouver by myself she crafted in her own mind that I was not coming back. And when I did she was relieved.

Sitting up Brayden brings me the pancakes in a black plastic container and she sits on a wooden bar stool, pulling it to the side of my bare bed,  that doesn't match anything in my house.

"Here" Brayden places a fork in my hand.

She's been happy more than ever to have me back here. If talking every day on the phone, through text as well, and Skype was not enough for her. I really do appreciate someone in my life exhibiting this level of happiness because with Cheryl it's a carousel.

"What's going on?"

I try my best to put on my confused face by raising my eyebrows but Brayden flashes her gold eyes at me and my shoulders sulk underneath my jean shirt.

"I'm tired-"

"After you tell me why you're tired then I'll let you go to sleep-"

"Well I'm afraid"

Brayden wipes her mouth with her left wrist before she puts down the fork that goes to her own set of pancakes.

"Why so?"

"Because I want things between Cheryl and I to work out but I feel like it's going to take me another five years just to hear her say she trusts me and another five years just for her to tell her she loves me and probably another five years for anything else significant-"