Loving 4 ears

Please Talk To Me

Logan was restless. This didn't happen often normally he would go fast to sleep, but not tonight. No he had Louise on his mind and he couldn't shake it for whatever reason. Sure he found himself dreaming of the girl, this though was a new level. Looking upwards to the ceiling he put his arms behind his head and just tried to think why he was doing it to this extent. Obviously she wasn't talking to him and that could be to blame but that has happened multiple times, this time though felt like it was much more serious not just him dropping her phone in a puddle mad or posting something embarrassing mad. This anger was much more and it was linked to his reply to what he said about the whole why he kissed her question that he hoped would never be mentioned. Logan has always had deep emotional feelings for Louise and because of her now joining high school he needed to let some of that passion go and he did in glorious (admittedly poorly timed) fashion. To him it was just a small glimpse to what he wanted to do, clearly for Louise this was just enough to believe that he was completely ready. He wanted to be.....but Louise was so special he couldn't think he wouldn't mess it up, ruin their friendship and then hurt her in the process.

"Well I've already done that anyway" he said glumly

At Louise's house:

She had just ripped another photo of them both and angrily distorted it so you would never know what the photo would ever been of

After school Louise had walked him without a word to her siblings, swung the front door to the home open, breathed a "I'm fine" to her parents and then stormed into her room and slammed he door behind her. She couldn't take this, no to rephrase that she wouldn't stand for this. Not to sound dramatic but she couldn't believe that Logan would betray her like this. Feeling hot tears building in her eyes she had the sudden urge to throw something and so she did. Though the air that little book went then joined by a flying clock and quickly pursed by soaring clothes as she emptied her closet and flung the items inside. Nothing in the room was safe from Louise as she picked up almost everything she could lay her hands in and chucked it at every wall in her room.

Tears were flowing now and Louise didn't care she was sick of pretending to be happy and pretending to laugh and have fun when she was depressed that the man she had deeply loved had fallen into the hands of Riley. Riley Leggett she spat the words and she imagined her and Logan kissing, holding hands, hugging and generally love each other this made her boil as well as become in more of a state of depression.

"That should be me" she cried choking on tears

Her face was hot and her hair was tangled in her face, tears were just flooding and she was in the biggest mess she could be. She looked over into her mirror where she saw all of the pictures with her and Logan. All of those memory's where she swore he loved her as much as she loved him and where she thought she was the only one with affection. Just her thinking that made her dig even deeper into the swirling sink hole of her sadness. Running over to the mirror and falling to her knees before it she stared at all the photos and how much fun she had in them.....with him. How they would nervously flirt with each other which they shrugged off as just friendly banter and when they would find themselves just looking into each other's eyes and would forget about the world. They would play together, learn together, get in trouble together, make memory's together, deepened their bond together.....

Louise couldn't look any looker going down onto her hands and looking to the floor where she shut her eyes as she hotted up and tears were running low as she was using them up. ".....should of been with each other" she eventually coughed up as she violently got up and took down the mirror smashing it on the floor then began to manically rip all of the photos. She would stare into what that picture had stored and looked back to that time with fondness before being brought back to real time where she would rip it to shreds. She had done this with about 15 until she had gotten to one of her favourites and it was her and Logan sitting on swings side by side, but there is some backstory to this. It was summer and her and Logan were just exploring the town looking for fun things to do and they had found this pair of swings which was just isolated from civilisation as it sat upon a cliff overlooking the sea. They had no clue how it got there but they of course had to go on them. Time had flow by and they had chatted about everything from films to what they want their futures to be like. It was a good time. Wanting to get this day down in memory Louise set up her camera on a timer a few feet away on a near by log. After setting off the timer she ran back to take her seat and do her hair. Logan looked over and chuckled at her friends desperation for perfection.

"Do you want to look cute of something? It's on a wind up camera" He said "and you look cute anyway" he said blushing

"You got a point" she said blushing a little at his compliment "but still for when someone may look

Shaking his head while smiling her looked to the camera

5
Louise just had a idea
4
Would it be awkward if she did it?
3
Could this maybe be something I regret?
2
I'm overthinking and this will achieve a good face for him to pull
1
The wind up camera shot a flash onto the two and when it cleared Logan looked to see Louise kissing his cheek her eyes shut tight. Face heating up his eyes inched to look over at the girl who was still holding her position.

"Um....Louise...." Logan said at last

Looking up at him and automatically turning pink she mumbled a few words

"It's for the photo" she said quickly

Logan but his lip like he was disappointed but smiled at his friend and after a quick deal of thinking said

"You better send me a copy of that photo"

(Back to Louise in present)
It was such a beautiful time and the fact that this was the only time Louise ever intentionally kissed a boy was a big moment and she never regretted it. After that it was all she wanted. Sadly though it would never be repeated.

After getting to that conclusion she wept once again as she dreamed of it all being returned to a much simpler time. The way she always wanted. That way was with Logan and to live in happiness with him for the rest of time where she could have moments like this with him all the time. But that's not how it works unfortunately, because of that she could never have the feeling of him with her. Louise couldn't live without that feeling. It was a drug and she needed more of it and she could only just wish for things to change as they are really not right now. If anything she would get what she wanted. When she thinks about it her life was rather shit.

She only had 3 friends excluding Gene and Tina
She wasn't smart
She wasn't popular
She wasn't beautiful
She didn't deserve to have Logan in her life
She didn't deserve anyone
She was trash
She was nothing
She was weak
She was pathetic
She was a waste of time
She was unfixable
She had no happiness
She had no joy
She at the moment had no humour
She had no love
She had no reason to continue

After quickly creeping downstairs she went to the laundry room where she saw a full container of bleach sitting patiently on the washing machine. Picking it up she unscrewed the bottle and paused to think of what she was doing.
She was going to try and kill herself over a boy.

This in self was a shocking thing to digest for Louise and then she remembered who she was talking about. It was Logan the boy who originally was her mortal enemy but then quickly became her best friend before the blink of a eye. That friendship grew to the point where he had no become a symbol of desire and love as well as something that couldn't be lived without. No one could ever live up to what Logan was to her and she could never live in the world where her dreams was a possession of someone else.

"No" she said to herself "this is the way it must be...."
Tears were once again falling as the bleach got closer and closer to her lips
"I love you Logan" she whispered