3am thoughts

xxix

do you ever feel like you could hate yourself so much, because you can't tell him how you feel?

because you're a coward, a fear of rejection?

and the feelings that you keep bottled up inside of you, eat away at you to the point where you can't sleep at night because you're crying so hard and you can't even look in his direction because you fall even more in love with him with every glance?

where you get to the point where you can't breathe because you try to stop thinking about him but you just can't? and you get to the point where you actually want to kill yourself?

that you've gotten so used to the constant pain and heartbreak, that you're oblivious to any other feeling?

because that's what my life is like. because i can't say three measly words to his face. because i'm afraid that he won't say it back. 

and that i hate myself so much, because i love him so much.

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