w r e c k a g e ✓

the wreckage of her gender

❝For someone who's supposed to be a girl, he sure does suck at walking in those heels.❞

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SINCE SHE COULD remember she had always felt uncomfortable when she was in the body of a boy.

Every time she had looked at her body she heard a few distant thoughts in her head.

This body was not meant to be yours.

These parts were not meant to be yours.

She had liked wearing dresses and playing tea party with her mom. She had liked getting her nails painted. She had liked playing with barbies.

"My son is not a girl, this needs to stop," her dad had scolded her mom.

She was five years old then, confused and shying away behind her mother's legs, blocking out her dad's mean words.

"Well maybe he wants to be," her mother had argued.

Thinking back on it now what difference did it make? What was wrong with a boy wanting to do girl things? What was wrong with a girl wanting to do boy things? Why did everything have to have a gender attached to it?

She wasn't saying that she had never wanted to be a girl, she did, but if a boy wanted to do girl things then that shouldn't have necessarily meant that he wanted to be a girl.

After completing her surgery and hormones she was definitely looked at like a freak. Her parents had gotten a divorce. Her dad had shunned her.

"My son is not a girl, this needs to stop," he had told her and her mother once again before signing the divorce papers.

He had said that a lot, too many times over the years. It was sad.

She was forced to use the teacher restrooms.

She was forced to eat in the janitors closet.

She was forced to stop riding the bus because the students had all admitted that they were uncomfortable.

She got made fun of at school.

She was forced to ignore the students and their cruel taunts.

One time she had shouted at them to stop, her principal had pulled her into his office. He suggested that she kept her mouth closed, he didn't want to draw attention to their school for having a transgender student. 

She did what she was told after that. She kept her mouth shut. She talked to herself once in the safe confinements of her own bedroom.

She wasn't mad at her dad.

She wasn't mad at her school.

She wasn't mad at her principal.

No, because they were simply brainwashed by the ideas of how people of society should and shouldn't be.

After thinking over everything, she ate dinner, did homework, and then cried herself to sleep.

Tomorrow would be another day of taunting and pure hell.