Little Hope That's Left

Chapter 4

Hi, I know that y'all don't like this, I don't either, but I would like to say a few things really quick:
1) don't copy this story that's just rude
2) I'm not professional so please don't be mean about mistakes
3) this story is fiction
4) please let me know about thoughts and books that you are writing, I love to read. Go on with the book...

The Grip:

I keep a tight grip on Holden, hoping that we will work out, but what if it never does? Everyone has something they hold on to, books, toys, blankets, cars, collectibles, mine just happens to be a boy. You hold on to something for different reasons, but they all have one thing in common; hope. That crazy word. What does hope really mean? Is it just anothaer emotion, or does it have a secret meaning? I wonder about all of this on my way back to my apartment.
"Hi?" I awkwardly tell the person before me.
"Hi. I'm Jack Livinton. My mother and I hosted moved here, and I'm getting to know my neighbors." I smile at his gesture. He is so sweet, too bad I hate people.
"Hi, I'm Infinity May." I keep a dreading smile, and with luck on my side my phone rings before he can say anything. "Excuse me." The words come out mumbled, as the phone is already on my ear.
"Hello."
"Hey Infinity, I have a favor to ask." My smile widens at the thought.
"Okay Loverboy, what's your favor." His new nickname coming into play.
"I need you to pretend to be my girlfriend. I know it's a lot to ask, but please." I replay his words again and again. My crush wants me to pretend to be his girlfriend. Do you know how much that hurts? It hurts more than you would think, I will tell you that.
"Uh, I mean-sure." I stumble with correcting my words. I do not really know of this is what I want, or of this will help, I am just taking a leap of faith, and hopefully I will make it over the river without falling in.
"Thank you." He exhaled a sigh of relief, and I smiled. He was so cute that it was not funny, but here I am laughing at one of his endless jokes.
"It's no problem." The thickness of my voice does not begin to match the depth of the lie. It hurts a lot, but as always, I will act like I do not feel a thing. He is who I want, and I will do anything to get him.
"Still, thank you so much." I could hear something looped in his words, but I could not decode what it what it was, before the phone was taken out of my hand.
"You really need to get a life." My brother yells at me and throws my phone.
"What the fuck!" I scream at the physio in front of me.
"I told you, get a life."
"What do you mean?"
"All you do is talk with you friends! What about family?"
"Y'all don't want me anymore than you did three years ago!" I shot back.
"Whatever." With that, he walks away, and leaves me standing here, with my phone on the ground. By luck, it is not cracked, but it did hang up on Holden. The guy who was in front of my door, is no longer there, so I slowly walk inside and continue my evening chores, before starting a game on the PS4. I was halfway through Destiny, when I get a text.

From: Holden
Hey, I changed my mind. I found someone else to be my girlfriend, my real girlfriend.

My heart shatters. The words he says bring back too many memories.
Thirteen years old, trying to figure out the meaning of love, and how to find it. Living with my heart on my sleeve, and giving evry guy a chance to prove that they are the one for me. Slipping between different guys, and trying to build love, even when there is no chance that it can exist. I remember one guy, Darin Liezens, he was the one, or at least I thought he was for a while. But just like all things, he left. He told me that he found someone else. Told me that I was just a joke. Told me that I was not outgoing enough. Told me that I needed to give up more. Told me that I was a prude. My exact words to him were ''At least I'm not a slut, like the girl you are with now.'' After that, no guy tried to get more from me than I wanted to give, until Holden.
Holden wanted more from me. He wanted physical contact. He wanted love. He wanted a real relationship. Key word in that in wanted, as in past tense. Now he wants another girl- I should say has another girl, who probably lets him do whatever he wants. The thing that he does not know that I would let him do anything that he wanted, all he had to do was ask. Today, I was one 'please' away from allowing him to touch me. Not my hand or my lips either. His hand that was on my thigh, was one swift movement up from touching he inner most part of my thighs. His hand that was across my shoulders, was one small slip forward from being flat on my boob. And I actually wanted him to do it. I wanted to feel his gentle hands against me. I wanted to feel his reckless touch, but now I realize that it was a good thing he did not. If he did I would have been pissed. I would have hated it. I hate him. He used me, and only now am I realizing it. I knew that I could have been played, but now that I am, it pisses me off. I hoped that maybe that kiss would have been a sign, or that it would have changed things, but it did not and I am still here, broken. My heart falling to pieces and my mind trying to finalize a way to distract myself, just long enough for it to all be over. Thank god it was Friday, because I do not think that I would be able to face him right now. I do not think that I will be able to face anyone right now. Not even one of my best friends.
I slip into comfortable clothes and grab popcorn, candy, soda and the TV remote and start a Criminal Minds marathon.
About two episodes into the third season, I get a text.