-Reylo-Broken Inside

Guilt

Kylo Ren's POV:
"I CAN'T DO THIS WITH YOU ANYMORE!" I screamed. I was far beyond enraged, my hands balled in fists, taking everything I had not to use my immediate reaction to destroying something. "I can do better, Ben. I can be better. You deserve that. You deserve better." she calmly remarked. "You are the reason for this. The reason why everything around me crumbles to pieces. Why I...am crumbling to peices." I sat down on the chair not far from where I was. My head in my hands, I re-contemplated everything. By doing this, I was leaving everything behind. Everyone I had loved, and cared about. Gone. "Ben...please." her voice was a mere whisper. I quickly sat up, and wrapped her in my arms. Her small figure close to mine. I could feel her holding in her sobs. I was no more immune to the light than I was the dark. I felt it every single day. The call to go back home, to make amends. "I'm sorry, mother." I let her go, and let her fall to her knees as I left. I had been a disappointment to everyone. This was finally a time when I felt like I could do something, and feel powerful. But now not even that was working.
"Ren!" she called. She was frustrated. I snapped back to reality, trying to forget the horrible memory. "I'm sorry Rey, just got lost in thought." I apologized. She looked at me like I was a lost cause. "You wouldn't answer me for minutes." she shot. "You didn't hear a word I said?" I sat down on the cold metal bench nearby. "No, I'm sorry. Like I said...I got lost in thought." I rubbed my forehead, pulling roughly on the black hair. "What was it that caught your mind so well?" she asked, curious. "Nothing. It's nothing." I rubbed my eyes to try and erase the memory, to forget how much hurt in the universe I'd caused. But as always, I couldn't. "Training is over for today. Head back to the room. I'll see you tomorrow at dawn." I brushed her off, and stormed out of the room.
As I ate in silence I contemplated some of the most horrible memories of my life. Killing my father, was by far the worst. Destroying my mother emotionally was a close second. I hurt everyone around me. Rey, was now the closest, and I'd hurt her enough.
I walked back to my room feeling vulnerable, and sad. She was already laying in the bed, asleep. As I pulled the blanket back up to her shoulders to keep her warm, I sat in the metal chair by the bed. I moved through her dream, she kept her mind open while she slept. She dreamt of her barren home, Jakku, and her long forgotten family and friends. But then the dream ended. She turned over in the covers and looked at me, passing a small smile. "What were you thinking about?" she asked. I already knew the answer to that, and it was one I didn't feel like telling. "Do you really want to know that Rey?" I asked. She nodded her tired face, looking as though she would quickly fall asleep again. "I was thinking about..my mother." I said. Her eyes perked up in sudden interest. "I feel like I have completely destroyed her and that ruins me inside. I have killed everything she loved. Her husband, The Rebellion...her son...everything." I felt so much remorse. My story was a saga of remorse and pain. "Ren...you didn't kill her son. He still is in there. If you killed him he wouldn't make you feel bad about what you've done." I leaned forward in the chair so my hands were resting on the bed. "Then why do I feel the pull to the Dark? The power of the Dark, I feel it everyday. Her son didn't feel that Rey." I whispered. And then something different happened. She put her hand on mine and squeezed it, giving me a small smile. "He is human, and so are you...give yourself some credit." But I couldn't. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't focus. She then said three words I hadn't heard in a long time. "You deserve that."