Part One
"Hindi ka sasali, Feberly! Kapag sinabi kong hindi, you have to accept it!"
Tumulo ulit ang luha ko. Ilang beses ko na itong marinig galing sa sarili kong ina pero masakit pa rin pala.
Nasasaktan ako hindi dahil sa pag ayaw niya sa gagawin ko kung hindi...
"For once, iparamdam niyo naman sa akin ang karapatan kong magdesisyon para sa sarili ko."
I thought I can have her support now. Pero hindi pa rin pala. All my life, I've been living in a cage. Like a bird in a cage, I have no freedom.
My mom kept a wary eye on me.
Ever since, she had no trust left for me.
"Nagkakaintindihan ba tayo?"
There. She never cared my desperate plea.
"Mom! Pagod na akong magsunud sunuran sa inyo! Kahit ngayon lang naman, o. Ako naman ang magdesisyon para sa sarili ko."
I am not doing it for myself in any way. It's all for you.
"Hindi!"
At iniwan niya akong durog. I feel so broken, shattered and devastated. I always have no chance to decide for myself.
Even my dream, I don't think I will be able to fulfill it.
Pumasok ako sa kwarto. Hindi ko nalang namalayan na nakatulog na pala ako kakaiyak.
Kinabukasan, mabigat ang dibdib kong pumasok sa school dahil hindi naman ako makapag audition for vocalist sa school band.
As what my mom said, I have to accept it. I harsly wipe my tears away, kagabi pa 'tong luha ko hindi pa rin naubos.
"Attention to all aspiring performers, please proceed at the Auditorium. Thank you."
Lalo akong nanlumo sa narinig kong announcement. Pesteng buhay naman 'to o!
Kailangan kong mag audition ngayon!
"Don't tell me magbaback out ka?" Chloe asked me in deep tone
If I could only choose, I will not going to renege.
"Don't tell me..."
Yes, Chu. You're damn right.
"Hindi ako pinapayagan, e."
Naramdaman ko ang sabay na paghawak ng dalawa sa balikat ko. Lalo akong naiyak sa ginagawa nila. Totoo pala ang sinabi nila na kapag inaalo ka, lalo kang maiiyak.
Still, I am lucky to have them.
"Sinabi mo ba kay tita kung bakit gusto mong sumali?"
Umiiling ako. Iyon na nga, e. I don't have a minute to explain my side.
"Chu, kailangan ko talagang mag audition..."
Malaking percent kasi ang discount sa school tuition fee kung member ka ng school band. Though I still have this doubt to win, gagawin ko ang lahat.
I have to win. I knew mom's in trouble financially, she doesn't need to tell it in my face.
Kaya gagawin ko ito para sa kanya.
"Then, are you going to disobey her?" matapang na tanong ni Marichu sa akin
Sometimes, you have to break the rule to make things you believe those are the right things to do.
But one thing is for sure, you'll lost someone's trust in you.
And I'm more than willing to take risk. Anyway, it's all for her, it's a win to win match.
"Let's go."
I told them and headed to the Auditorium kung saan gaganapin ang audition for band vocalists.
Upon entering the room, everyone is looking at me with their earnest gaze. Napamura ako sa sarili ko.
