Part Seven
"'Di pa kayo uuwi? Una na lang ako kung ganun..." sabi ko sa mga kaibigan ko
"You okay?" nakakunot noo na tanong ni Louie sa akin
Umiiling ako. I hate it so bad. I'm broken again. Hindi pa nga lubusang nahilom ang sakit nito, durog na naman uli. Tangina lang.
"Ganon' lang? Kinaladkad mo ko kanina tapos ganon' lang? Hah! Iba ka rin talaga eh no?" panay hila ni Chloe sa pinsan niya na ambang lalapit sa akin
Hinawakan ko ang ulo ko. I have no time for explanation. I need to go home. Ayokong magwala dito sa party ng kaibigan ko.
"Phillip, please..." dinig kong hiling ni Chloe sa pinsan
Hindi ko na talaga kaya. Kaya umalis ako at hindi na ulit nagpaalam sa kanila. I've been hurt before pero bakit 'di pa rin ako sanay sa sakit na 'to?
Nakalabas ako sa gate ng mga Meneses at kasalukuyang nag aantay ng taxi o kahit jeep. Tumingala ako sa langit at pinigilan ang pagbuhos ng aking luha. Wag muna, wag muna please.
Mapait akong ngumiti at inalala ang nangyari kanina. Pagkatapos kong pinakilala si Phillip ay pinakilala nila rin nila ako sa kanilang panganay.
I hated myself so much that I couldn't say a word. Their first born child is now one year old. Kuhang kuha ang magandang mukha ni Jessica at maamong mukha ni Keith.
I should moved on then. They had a child now. Ayokong maging kontrabida sa perpektong pamilya nila. I'm not like that.
"Niña!"
I closed my eyes in frustration. What the hell, Phillip? Can't you see I'm in pain?
Hindi ako lumingon kaya hinila niya ako paharap sa kanya.
"Talk to me! I am not yet done with you!" sigaw niya sa mukha ko
Napapikit ako sa lakas at galit ng boses niya.
"Make it fast. Gusto ko nang umuwi..."
He looked at me straight in the eye. I knew he was confused and I felt so sorry for bringing him this trouble. It was my battle, I should have done it alone.
"I'll bring you home." he coldly said and held my hand
Pinasakay niya ako sa kanyang sasakyan. He did not talk, he did not ask and I thank him for that.
"Dito nalang..."
Bumagal ang takbo ng sasakyan niya. Kalaunan, tumapat kami sa bahay at pinatay niya ang makina ng sasakyan.
"Thank you..." nanatili pa rin ako sa driver's seat
"We can stay here if you want to."
Pagkasabi niya ay nilingon ko siya, nag iwas naman siya ng tingin.
Should I say sorry before leaving?
"No. I'm going." at binuksan ko ang pintuan ng sasakyan
Hindi pa ako tuluyang nakapasok sa gate namin ay pinaharurot na niya ang sasakyan. Galit nga siya. I never saw him that angry or maybe may mas malala pa.
Pumasok ako sa bahay at dumiritso sa kwarto. Tamad kong hinubad ang sandals. Pumasok ako sa banyo at tinutok ang mukha sa shower.
I am shattered once again. My heart didn't learn a lesson. Gusto kong batukan ang sarili ko sa pagsisi sa birthday party ng kaibigan ko. I'm at fault. Kung hindi lang sana ako nagpanggap na okay at naka move on, sana mas magaan kumpara sa bigat na nararamdaman ko ngayon.
After spending an hour in the bath room, lumabas ako at pinatuyo ang buhok ko. I turned off the main switch at binuksan ang ilaw ng lamp shade katabi ng kama. I put my laptop on my bed. I logged in on my facebook account at dinidelete iyon. After several confirmations, I succesfully deleted my account. First thing first, delete all memories with him. Sinara ko ang laptop at inilagay sa side table. Binagsak ko ang katawan sa kama. Nang nagvibrate ang phone ko dahil sa sunod sunod na mensaheng natanggap ko. What the hell?
Did they send it together? Sabay sabay nga pare pareho lang naman ang laman. Just simply "Are you okay? If you need me just call."
I composed a message for them "Don't worry. I'll be okay." I pressed send at humiga na. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't have the courage to know either.
Kinipa ko ang cell phone nang nagvibrate ito dahil sa tawag. Unregistered number. Who is it? Hindi ko sinagot at binaba ko na sana nang may natanggap akong mensahe galing sa unregistered number. I lazily open it.
"It's me. Answer my call."
A frown creased on my forehead. Who's this? Ilang segundo ay tumawag ulit siya. Dammit!
Is this Keith?
Dali dali kong kincancel ang tawag. What if it was him?
Bakit naman siya tatawag?
Napabalikwas ako nang tumawag ulit ito. Sinagot ko naman agad.
"Hello?" pumikit ako nang marinig ko siya sa kabilang linya
Damn it's Phillip. Umaasa na naman ako.
"Are you okay?"
Umirap ako at bumuntong hinga. Hay. I'm still hoping for his love.
"Hey. Are you still there?"
Umayos ako nang upo sa kama at sinagot siya.
"Yeah. Why did you call?"
My friends were worried about what I feel. They maybe know how painful it is for me. I can't even cry because of so much pain.
"I'm tired. Let me sleep in peace."
Hindi ko na hinintay ang sagot niya at tinapos ko na ang tawag. Humiga ulit ako. I closed my eyes and looked my past back. We were then happy three years ago. I couldn't even remember what I did wrong and made him fall out of love. Or he didn't love me at all?
I still remember one time he insensibly call me 'Jessica' but I did nothing. I just ran out from that place and cried silently.
I couldn't blame destiny. I already knew how Keith is head over heels with Jessica at the very beginning. He had given up all just for her. I was a rebound, a second option and I knew it. Dapat sana handa na ako sa lahat ng sakit. I already knew the ending our story while I was still seizing the moment of our first chapter.
I was already broken. That relationship was a suicide. And it kills me over and over again.
