I love my family, I love my life, I love my friends, and I love sex... oh yeah with my vamp.ex-bf 2

Chapter 18

Debra's POV

No! Chris was gone and I didn't know when he would be back. Well I did he would be back in the morning but I didn't mean for a moment but for the rest of our lives. I want him for the rest of my life. As I laid in bed missing being in his arms and just his presence I couldn't help but wonder what was I thinking letting Andy Into my house in the first place. Why did I need to know what was this hold he had on me? Was it just his charm or did I really love him the way I think I do?

I can't get the look in Chris's eyes out of my head out of my thoughts. I had hurt him yet again. I yet again had broken his frozen heart that was suppose to be indestructible was now broken and shattered yet again by a mere mortal who couldn't get her shit together. Why do I keep doing this to him? I love him I want him but there is something between Andy and I that I can't understand something that bonds me to him.

But what is it and can I break it because there is one thing that I know for certain and that's that I will not break up my family and loose the man I love over a person that I am not sure Of my feelings for. And maybe Chris is right maybe I should figure out what it is I want and which one of them is perfect for me.

Well Chris is a sweet hear he cares about me and he takes such good care of Christina and I. He Married me and fought for me even though he isn't much of a fighter, but he can be a push over at times and some times too sweet. I need a man that can handle me and who can really defend me. While Andy has passion and mystery and I know that he can handle me and will fight for me and defend me. We have a bond that I don't even have with Chris but he can be mean at times and controlling and even I fear him when his anger gets the best of him and is that the right environment for my child.

Mean While Chris never looses his temper and would never harm me or Christina in any way even when I told him about Andy I could tell he was keeping himself calm and I need some one with patience. But Andy looks at me with such longing and want that neither I or him understand. I love them both but am I in love with them both. The sex is even amazing with the both of them but again its different. With Andy there's so much lust and need to be close to one another while with Chris it's love and want and affecting.

I was brought out of my thoughts with the cries of Christina. Chris never mind getting up in the middle of the night and taking care of her. He always cared about my stress levels and how much sleep I needed and my over all care. I picked Christina up and slowly started to feed her. She had Chris's eyes they were the things I loved the most about her. I love my daughter so much that it hurt some times.

I miss Chris already and I needed him. I needed him to be there for me, for Christina, for this family, for us. I didn't need Andy and even though something deep down inside me told me I did, I knew in my heart that I didn't. But a small piece of me wanted him, yearned for him for his touch and as long as that piece was there I would never be able to get Andy out my system. It all came down to a simple question. Could I live with out what I want or what I need?

Jacklins POV

I sat in Dwayne's arms thinking about what we could be and I could think of any thing. I love Dwayne with all my heart but he was a Vampire and I'm not. He will live for eternity while I will dead in the ground waiting to be reincarnated just to be with him. He deserves to be with a woman like himself one that will live to be with him until the end and that was just something I couldn't give him.

"What's on your mind? You've been thinking all night." How did he know that I wasn't sleep I never looked at him. "Your heart never rested just calmed. Now is it about me and what I told you? You hate me now that you know don't you." I looked at him confused he had sadness in his eyes as if loosing me was the worst thing that could happen to him.

"No it's not that it's just that, Why me? Why pick a mortal to love who will dye in the future that another vampire like yourself who could be with you for the rest of your life?" He laughed. No like he literally laughed at me before noticing I was dead ass serious.

"Oh you foreal." I nodded. Duh. "Well honestly I never found one to love. They were all stuck up and fake they always moved because the looked down on humans. I'm not like that and when I found you I realized that I didn't have to love them when I had someone who I really wanted here." I nodded I understood completely. He didn't want to settle for people he didn't like nor want but I could tell he got many offers I mean look at him.

"Ok so have you slept with any of these stuck up women." I asked Half joking half serious. I wanted to know.

"Yes, unfortunately I have but it was only once and I never did it again." I looked at him confused. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I just don't understand they were good enough to sleep with but not to love?" He shook his head telling me no.

"No, No I didn't mean it like that. I meant that I slept with that one woman because she was my changer. In our world sex is the ultimate form of loyalty to any one. Why? I have no clue, but it is. So after she changed me and took care of me for 20 years she started to grow feelings for me. One night while I was resting she snuck into my room and dared me to show her my loyalty to her or she was going to make me leave. I had no where to go and No money. So I slept with her. I don't regret nor wish to do it again but after her I had no loyalty to any one else."

"But you've been sleeping with me for over a month now. You have no loyalty to me." He looked at me with love.

"I love you and I have since I laid eyes on you. I will always have loyalty to you because to will always have my heart. I could never break this bond with you. I will always be yours." A tear started to fall from my eyes and he wiped it away. "Why are you crying?"

"One day I will Dye Dwayne and then what will you do. You can't love me I will not grow old while you sit and care for me that's just not who I am." He looked away from me as in allowing what I said to really seep into his mind, maybe even his heart.

"Then let me change you?" I looked at him with shock.

"What?!"

"Let me change you let me make one more bond with you that no one else has had?" his eyes were pleading with me to say yes. To allow him to change me into him, to allow him to have me for eternity. I didn't know what to do or to say, What do you tell a man like this who just wants to love you forever no to his only wish. But my life will be over my world my family all gone is he worth loosing all of it? He tilted my chin and kissed me lovingly. "If you don't want me to No is fine with me just don't leave me. I love you too much for you to leave me." I looked into his eyes for a final time.

"Yes" escaped my lips.