American Muslim

Change

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She Laughed at My Enthusiasm

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I can still look back to my elementary school and junior high yearbooks and read my ex-best friend's comments to me to "stay you" and "stay nerdy." But, now as I see, I wish I had written those words to her. I have stayed true to myself all these years because I have something to hold me upright, to show me the way. But I cannot say the same thing about my once best friend.

She fell fast for the fads, the popular kids and the latest stuff on fashion and music. It is not a pleasant thing to watch as you lose your best friend since kindergarten to the materialism in this world. I certainly did not enjoy it, because it meant for her to give up people like me and to dislike ideals that I practice. 

She became more and more distant, but kept me close when it came times to impress soon-to-be friends by saying, "She's my best friend since kindergarten!" 

One can say that it is I who gave up on her. And perhaps I did.

Why? Maybe it was because she called me ugly in the seventh grade because I wore a hijab for the first time. Or maybe it was because she never apologized for it. Either way, I don't believe anyone should stick with someone who acts and says such and still be called one's "best friend." And her words had hurt me tremendously, because wearing a hijab was new to me as well and a best friend telling you that you look ugly and shouldn't wear it is the last thing you want to hear.

But it wasn't until we hit high school that she literally gave up our friendship--if you could even call it that. She was no longer my super-smart friend who refrained from swearing, but a punk high schooler who complained about grades and swore every time we would speak.

"Samiha, I'm going to convert to Islam," she said one day. "I feel empty inside. I think Islam is the *best* religion for it."  

Words every Muslim wants to hear from their non-muslim friend. 

I shrieked, hugged her, and told her we'd have a party when it was official. She laughed at my enthusiasm.  

But things went downhill from there. Often, she'd repeat, "Sorry, but I'm not going to wear a hijab" and then quickly "but I'll dress modestly." I assured her it was alright. (She now wears the kinds of clothing that make me roll my eyes.) In addition, she'd argue to me about what was halal or not. I believe she said squid or octopus was alright to eat, though it is not (please note that if you were taught that octopus, etc is okay to eat; disregard this as I speak from Hanafi rulings). She began referring to her other friend, whom she knew only for a year and a half, and to my knowledge, did not practice prayer. 

Some days later, she came up to me and said, "I can't convert. I have too much going on at home to do it." I wonder if she thinks I'll actually believe such an excuse. But guess what? I did. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. After some months of this "convert to Islam" dramatics, she brought the idea of converting again (someone had told me she wanted to be Muslim because the boy she had a crush on with was also Muslim. How accurate this is, I don't know). And like before, she never did.  

Thinking back on it, it makes me upset at how everything went down. She saw my religion, my way of life, and used it for her selfish purposes. Whether or not she was trying to impress someone, she created a buzz around herself after every "convert to Islam" attempt. I hope that others will not have to go through what I have and that my friend will see the righteousness, truth and sincerity of Islam. In'sha'Allah.