The Clichés of Jeff the Killer Stories

9. Kidnapped

9. Kidnapped

Warning: Foul language ahead.

We're talking about clichès, right? So here's one of the clichè plots involving JTK stories. Seriously, this plot is in every fandom.

Kidnapped by One Direction

Kidnapped by Niall Horan

Kidnapped by Jeff the Killer

Kidnapped by Slenderman

Kidnapped by Killers

Kidnapped by Akatsuki

What????? My HAWT Werewolf Teacher Kidnapped Me? OMG??

Kidnapped by MCR

Kidnapped by Every Fucking Celebrities

Okay, I think that's enough. There's too many to mention.

*LE SIGH*

You know, there's nothing wrong with that kind of head start, but you know what's wrong? Huh? Huh?

It's the fucking plot! That's what's wrong.

Are you freaking serious? You would fall for your kidnapper? And not just that, you would fall for your fucking kidnapper in just one day!!!

Are you fucking kidding me? Are you outta your mind? Is your OC that horny to get it on with the canon character right away?

Yes! I'm not just talking about Jeff! I'm talking about the whole fucking fandom!

Gawds. That is impossiblul! (Stephano reference.)

Okay, so here's the scene. Let's say Jeff is your kidnapper, okay?

Action!

YOU were doing something. Anything. Just something. Then all of a sudden, Jeff would attack you.

"Go to sleep!" he said.

YOU screamed like a boss and ran to somewhere. I don't know where. Just somewhere. And then suddenly, you tripped over something—that something has to pop out like a mushroom—you never saw it coming ('cause you're dumb like that). Yeah, Yana was as dumb as you when she tripped over a root when Sally chased her. Heh.

Anyways, back to YOUR-CLICHÈ-story, you tripped over that something and didn't even react. I mean, you just tripped. No pain. You just tripped over that something to put suspense in the story. I mean, where's the thrill, right?

Now, you're already on the ground, yelling profanities at Jeff.

Poor Jeff, really.

And then Jeff would take you to his lair and you couldn't do anything about it 'cause you're so weak. Then he would slave you around and blah blah blah. Then later, at exactly 24 hours and 5 minutes—no, 18 hours and 5 minutes, you told yourself that you're in love with Jeff! And Jeff was in love with you, too!

Oooooooooooooooh! How ROMANTIC was that!! That's normal, okay? I mean, every kidnapper in the world is like that. How I wish.

Anyways, moving on. Now you and Jeff are lovey doves and then later some kind of tragedy happens or something like that. Someone cheats on Jeff. List of the guys that you may possibly cheat with:

A. BEN Drowned

B. Masky

C. Eyeless Jack

D. Slenderman

Awwwww... Poor Masky... Anyways, your character has to fucking CHEAT on Jeff! If you don't do that, your story will not be complete!

Oh, and you know what's missing? Hook them up! Yeah, HOOK them UP! That's what people want. That's what YOU want.

Okay, I don't want to go over other scenes anymore 'cause I want to preserve them for our clichè collection.

Now there you have it—your perfect Kidnapper x Victim love story. How original. How romantic.

Oh, and you know what would make your story better?

DON'T LISTEN TO THOSE PEOPLE WHO NOTICE YOUR MISTAKE.

You're amazing! You're a great writer. You don't need to follow other people's bullshit! Haters gonna hate, that's what you said.

I just hope you're doing well in school. Looks like your teacher hasn't been teaching you anything about proper grammar. Or maybe he/she does! You just thought you're too great to use anything proper. You're the rule of your own game.

You know what?

It SUCKS to be you, really.

English isn't my first language, but at least I'm not murdering it the way you do like you're not born a natural English speaker.

Too much sarcasm? Wait for the other parts, mate. This isn't definitely my last. I might gain some haters, but who cares???? Who would give a fuck? Not me!

At least I don't fall for my kidnapper in less than a day. At least I'm still SANE.

You! Yeah, you! What are you lookin' at, huh? You wanna write a story with this plot? Try it and we'll see.

You better not mess up, or I swear to Jashin, I will bash you!