can't figure out if looking at things that used to make me happy will make me feel better or just even worse
can't figure out if you care or if you ever cared
can't figure out if anything matters or if anything would matter
can't figure out if those three words make me smile because im happy or just insane
leave me alone on a busy street and see what ill do
numb and hopeful or high and hopeless
decisions decisions
noose or bleach
gun or knife
say goodbye?
no, you never said hello.
i miss you?
no, i miss being happy.
do i want happiness?
no, i want to feel again.
nothing anything everything
i want it all at once
feed me lies feed me drugs feed me something
insomniac but tired
hyper but depressed
i can see what i used to be so clearly
but i can't see anything beyond now
because now-
now is a blessing that i treat like a curse
or is it a curse that i treat like a blessing?
blessing or curse,
i didn't ask for it.
i have no one to return it to.
ill give it to the wind and it'll be carried away
in whispers and rumors of that girl, that girl, that girl
but no one will ever have an answer
because everything exists in my head
and nothing can exist in my head
-
is this a suicide note or just another empty rant
typed up words that i have no voice to say
not that you'd listen anyway
