Unsent Letters of the Heart

30 - To the man I thought I'd spend my life with

To my first love,

You were and will always be the best thing to have come into my life.

It started in highschool. I can still recall the impenetrable walls I spent years crafting. Your charming personality, wit, and sense of humor broke them down almost instantly and I was hooked. After only two months I knew it was love, a feeling I had never experienced before. You made it easy. Your love became the force my world revolved around and not a minute went by without you on my mind.

We were young though and you weren't ready. You weren't ready for how serious our love became. After a year of laughs you decided to end things, only to change your mind a short time after. I was sure that it was fate that brought us back together and I jumped at the opportunity of being loved by you again. This, though, was the start of the vicious cycle of breakups that would continue for another four years.

I took you back every time you hurt me because you told me you were sure, you told me you would never do it again and foolishly, I believed you. I believed you because I loved you and I so desperately wanted to be the girl you desired, the girl you needed. I changed myself and lost who I was in the process of trying to please you, but unfortunately you were never pleased.

Almost one year ago you ended things and this time I knew it was for good. I told myself I would not take you back because nothing would ever change. When you called and apologized, asking to work things out, I refused. Not because I didn't love you, but because I needed to stand up for myself. You can only be hurt by the same person so many times and I had finally had enough.

This year apart has taught me a lot about myself. I have gained tremendous strength and independence from our break up and now I am becoming the woman I have always wanted. Time is healing the numerous scars you have left on my heart, slowly but surely. However, time is not taking away my love for you.

Recently, I found out that you are in a new relationship and you seem happy. For days I cried, reminiscing on our tragic love story, knowing someone else has taken my place. What we had, though, cannot be replaced. I will forever cherish the countless nights we spent talking for hours, how it felt to wake up in your arms, and that one night we spent under the stars. I am confident that new love will find its way into my life when I am ready, but it will never be a love like ours. You taught me what love was, true and raw, but you also taught me how much heartbreak can hurt. The tools that I have learned from this failed relationship will help me with my next, but I will never forget our love story. Thank you for giving me the best five years of my life. You are and will always be my soulmate.

letter can be originaloly seen at: http://lettertomyex.com/to-the-man-i-thought-id-spend-my-life-with/