Dreams from a mad man

Why?

Do you ever here that question ringing in the back of your head? You know the one; "Why?" Why is the sky blue? Why do we exist? Why is twerking a thing?

"Why not?" You might ask. Those that ask this will most likely go nowhere in life. If you don't question things you won't learn. If you do question, for example, why do we exist? You would learn that life is the most perfect accident in history. Nothing was ever meant to happen! If it weren't for the big bang the universe would still be forming!

That bang may seem like a thing that no one cares about anymore but in fact, it is the greatest gift in history. The gift of life. And the gift of death.

The big bang didn't only create our universe, it destroyed some of the forming universe in the process. It created dark matter. Beleave it or not, this incredibly deadly substance is good. It created a black hole that keeps our galaxy together and is even an energy source.

December 8th 2015 was a gift for me. A gift of realization: I'm not who I thought I was. I'm darker. And I embraced it. I embraced yet again another thing that makes me who I am today. I embraced the dreaded darkness. Not any ordinary darkness. Darkness thicker than any substance you could imagine. Darker than the thing that swallows light.

I started the dream in it too. The darkness. At first it was soothing. And then it began to press. It pressed down at me like gravity times 1000. I sank into the stone floor, cracking it and falling down underneath it. I fell down and down and down until I finally it a stable bottom. And just as quickly as it had begun, it stopped; gravity was back to normal.

I stood up to check my surroundings and all I could see was a massive creature staring at me. The red from its eyes cutting cleanly through the darkness, illuminating a massive mouth filled with sharp, jagged teeth.

I felt something fuzzy pass by my legs. But I didn't dare take my eyes off the huge creature that smiled wickedly at me. There it was again! This time it was on my back. A third time. This time on the back of my neck.

I began to here rumbling. The creature opened its mouth and let out a huge bellowing roar. It shook every part of my body and left me paralyzed in fear. But I still didn't dare move. I just closed my eyes, and when I opened them. The creature was gone and I somewhere else.

I was cold. Very cold. I looked up at the small dwindling sun that looked like it could barely keep itself going much longer. And then it went supernova.

It was absolutely beautiful. The red, blue, green, and purple dancing in the sky. It only lasted about 10 seconds in my brain, but it was the best 10 seconds I have experienced in my brain. The colors falling down into the vast nothingness of space. Twinkling around each other as they fell.

And then everything went dark again. A light switched on and I found myself again in that room. There must be something important about this room! But why? Why this room? The questions began flooding my brain again. Why do I always end up I'm this room? What is so significant about this room? And then the answer hit me in the back of the head. Literally. The door had swung open and I was on the floor.

The room began to grow colder and darker. Soon I would be on the ground shivering. When I got up I found out what is so important about the room. I saw someone sitting at a chair watching a video with the volume turned down low. I peeked over her shoulder to see the title of the video.

11 drunk guys play slender man.

Of course I knew who the room belonged to! But I still didn't know why I was there. Was it to show me something? Tell me something? I had no clue. But then a voice came from the person sitting in the chair.

"Does that really matter, Riley?" She used my name. No one has ever done that in one of my dreams before. "It's okay. I forgive you." She turned around and smiled at me.

"I don't believe that. You hate me for what I did! You climbed into my dream and will try to bend it to your will! So I will keep you away for know." I shouted.

"Is that why you give me a gift?" She said in a soft, forgiving tone. "To keep me away?"

My eyelids began to water and my limbs grew heavy as I fell down to the ground on my knees and began to cry. I didn't have an answer to her question but I knew I didn't need one because I had to keep her away. But I couldn't. I wouldn't.

She came over and comforted me. "It's okay, Riley. It's okay. It will all be over soon."

"How soon?" I didn't care. I knew the pain wouldn't end and even as I'm writing this it hasn't ended.

"When I say so." She said.

"I'm sorry for doing what I did."

"I don't believe that."