Curtains Closed

Chapter Five

I tried not to have any drinks or smoke, but I gave up soon after he left. Normally if I were to smoke, I'd have the decency to do it outside, yet I couldn't be bothered. I laid on my sofa with a beer in one hand which was hanging off the edge, and a cigarette in my other. I soon finished all the booze and cigarettes and had to go out to get more. I hated this, I'd always be worried people would recognise me, be disappointed that I'm not all the hoped for.

I put on my usual attire, making sure I was wearing dark sunglasses and left with my wallet in my back pocket. I kept my head down as I walked through the streets. This was the worst I'd looked for a while, and I didn't want too many pictures of me, floating around while I was at such a low point. I got to the off licence without being noticed, yet as I was picking up several bottles, someone asked for a picture. "Sure" I smiled at them, "I've not been up to me great 'ealth lately though, so I don't look me best" I surfaced a fake laugh. They took the photo, then got my autograph and ran off.

I picked up my drinks again and went to the counter. "These please, and ah some of those" I said, pointing at the cigarettes on the back wall.
"How many?" He said in a deep voice
"I dunno two I guess" he handed over two packs "oh no mate, I meant the ones where there are several boxes together"
"Ah right, that's a lot for a small lad like you, especially with those drinks"
"Nah mate, I'm 'aving a get together with mates and I just owe some ciggys to a few" I explained
"Aight then" he put everything in a bag and I payed for it and walked home with my head down, smoking a cigarette.

When I got home I did the same as before, lazed on the couch and gave up. This went on for hours until I got up and called my dealer. We decided to meet behind sainsbury's. I only got weed this time, but I told him I may come back to him sooner or later.

We met, did the deal, and went our separate ways. I got home and smoked some, happy I didn't have to share. By the end of the day I was throwing up whatever if tried to eat. The cycle of drinking, smoking, and smoking pot went on for days.

I got a text from a mate saying he was in town and that we should meet up, he said he'd bring some shit for us two to get high on. I think he expected he was only bringing these because we'd be having fun. But I don't know what we were going to do, but with me like this it probably wouldn't be fun.

I heard a knock at the door, "Miles!" I shouted as I opened the door. My voice was croaky and raw.
"Al!" He shouted as I opened the door "hey mate" he said with his thick Liverpool accent "you alright?"
"Yeah, you?" I replied
"Good, good yeah" he stepped in and looked round the place. I'd cleaned it up, but I'm sure it stunk of tobacco. "What've you been up to then?"
"Not much really" I wondered whether to tell him about the breakup "me bird cheated on me"
"Shit" he put his hand on my shoulder "that really is just fucked up mate, don't worry though, you'll find another"
"Aye, yeah I guess so. Anything exciting happened to you?"
"Nah not much really, just been writing" we walked over to the fridge, where he but the beers. Then we went and sat on the couch. "Mate, you don't sound that good" he said after a pause, there was another before I answered
"Nah, I'm okay" he looked at me, "really, I am" I tried to persuade him
"I've never seen you this thin" he said, lifting up one of my arms "are you eating?"
"Yeah, well yeah sorta"
"What do you mean?"
"I end up just throwing it up"
"On purpose?" He said with a worried look on his face
"Nah, nah I just drink too much"
"That's not any better Al, come on" he looked disappointed "how much have you been smoking?" I didn't answer "how much Al?"
"I dunno, I don't count the packs"
"You know it's too much though. Don't you?"
"Yeah. I don't care though"
"Alex" I looked away "mate, I'm worried about you"
"I'm okay, don't worry" I changed the subject, "so what did'ya get?"
"Well some weed," he inhaled "which you've been smoking already" he said with a laugh "but also some shrooms"
"Haven't had those since before I started going out with..." I trailed off
"Well do'ya want some or not?" He said, taking them out of the packet
"Yeah, course" he handed me some Liberty caps and we both ate them.