A/N this chapter is about Dan, becoming a mess without Phil, needing a sign. I think this song would go perfectly. PLEASE! I SUGGEST YOU PLAY THE SONG AFTER DAN READS THE LETTER!
Dans PoV:
I walk into the living room, this is my first time home without Phil, I came to get something. Me and Phil wrote letters, and made small boxes, so if any of us did die, we would have something of eachother, to guide us through the time we aren't spending with each other.
I run into our room and look for his 'signature hiding spot' which is just at the bottom of his sock draw. I take out the box, and hold it tight, this is it.
I open it gingerly, to find another box and a letter, I take out the letter, and put the box aside.
I open the letter and my heart drops, these are the only words, I will ever get from Phil again.
Hello Dan!
So I've always prayed you wouldn't have to read this, and I pray I won't have to read yours. I'm dead if you're reading this... Depressing!
How did I die? Did I get eaten by a lion? Did I buy Jade sweets without consulting Anna, so she killed me? Who knows?!
Did you like that paragraph! That's right I know punctuation! Or whatever a paragraph is.
Ayyy! I did it again. Okay I'll stop, I'm just trying to bring a smile on your face, this is probably hard for you. Unless you killed me, in that case NAUGHTY DANIEL!
I know this may be hard for you, but please never stop being the happy, bubbly Dan I know and love. I will be keeping an eye on you! A sharp eye Danny boy! This is hard to write, but I have always prayed that you would be reading my letter, instead of me reading yours. I'm not strong enough to live without you, unlike you! You're way strong enough, you punched Oli White in the arm when he pinned me against a wall! You're strong! Remember that, when you're upset, remember you're a warrior, you're my warrior, you'll always be my warrior.
I would say more, in my letter, but then I wouldn't have anything to say in the video, oh I spoiled it! So now open the box, you will see a small box and a camera, don't open the small box! Open the camera, and plug it into the computer, to see my fabulous face.
I love you!
-Phil
I sit at the desk with the camera and the small box in my hands, trying to hold back the tears. Phil wouldn't want me to cry, but it's so hard. I open the window on the computer, and start the video. He sits in his jelly fish t-shirt, laughing while adjusting the camera.
"Hi Dan! So here I am, I figured a video message would be nice, so you wouldn't feel completely alone.
So, I don't like the thought of either of us being dead. It's scary, when you asked if we should make these I felt so scared. I didn't want to think that way, I didn't want to think of death, I didn't want to think of us being split up. But as we got further into it, I realised we won't be split up. Just know as you're watching this, I'm looking down on you, I'll never stop smiling at your hobbit hair after you wake up. I will never stop cringing when you sing Beyoncé, while we eat Harribo, picking out the rings. Most of all I will never stop loving you! Never! Remember! Even in heaven, every day my love for you will grow more and more.
In this video, I also wanted to make one thing clear. Don't feel guilty when you meet a guy you like or a girl you like. I want you to hold them close, I want them to make you happy, I want your first kiss with them to be as magical as ours. Don't let me get in the way of the one you love, because the last thing I would want is for me to get in the way, of you and your happiness.
I hope your new girlfriend, or boyfriend, makes you smile so much that your dimples show. I hope that your future kids are as dorky, talented and as beautiful as you. I hope they make you happy."
At this point Phils eyes are filling with tears, but he just laughs it off.
"Ugh! I'm so stupid! I'm gonna end it here! I love you Danny! So much. Bye!"
And then the video ends, he is gone. His smile, his tears, his laugh, his cry, it's all gone.
I open the box slowly to find a note.
"After you see what's in the box, check behind our wardrobe, Love from Phil."
I hesitantly look into the box to see a watch, a Georgio Armani watch, I take it out and there is a message engraved underneath. "The cat whiskers come from within" it says, with an engraving of cat whiskers underneath.
I slowly put it on, as the cold metal presses against my wrist, he is so perfect, what did I ever do to deserve him.
An ocean of rage waves over me, and I can't even think of what's behind the wardrobe, I need to get out of here.
I run outside and to the nearest park, slowly I creep into the woods, where me and Phil would always go to look at the stars.
They took him away from me! He left me! He is gone! Tears form in my eyes, but then I remember Phil wouldn't want me to cry. Rage grows in me, I can't stop crying I'm letting him down! I punch into a tree, breaking all of my knuckles, but the pain is nothing compared to the pain I've been feeling these last thew days.
"I'm sorry Phil!" I cry. "IM SORRY! I TRY SO HARD NOT TO CRY! BUT IT HURTS PHIL IT HURTS! I WANT YOU BACK, I NEED YOU BACK! WHY DID YOU LEAVE?! WE COULD OF HAD A LIFE TOGETHER, KIDS, A WEDDING!" I cry, breaking down onto the floor.
A smile grows on my face, as I remember the memories. "D-do you remember when gay marriage got legalised, how hard we celebrated, cried? Our proposal was us exchanging different flavours of hoopla hoops. Lissy says you ran through a door, you left? Why, why did you leave? WHY?! PHIL! I WANT ANSWERS! I WANT TO FEEL YOUR HUGS ONE MORE TIME! I WANT TO RUN MY FINGERS THROUGH YOUR HAIR WHEN YOU GET NERVOUS! I never got to say goodbye, I never got to tell you how much I loved you phil! We can't watch telly together anymore. I can't make you breakfast, I can't kiss you goodnight, I can't watch anime with you, I can't do anything with you ever again! My entire life revolved around you Phil! Our relationship! Without you, my life feels worthless, like nothing. I love you, I love you!" I cry harder, putting my head in my bruised, broken hands.
My life will never be the same again, but I have to get through some how.
"I'm a warrior" I whisper to myself.
"Phils warrior"
